#the fact that he hadnt even been back with them long before he died

[sabotourist]

You know I was talking with my friend a while back and in light of restoration... Can we just talk about how good Doc is? How, in s15, when the others retired, he went on to find other ways to help. How he has failed over and over, gotten shit on over and over, gotten his mind fucked with over and over, and yet that man never stopped trying to help people?

Even at the very end.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA - me and my bestfriend (bsf) of six years recently got into a 2 week long argument and at this point have stopped talking. First i need to provide some back ground of the situation. Last November i became friends with “J”. This itself caused some arguments because they have similar names and sometimes i’d slip and call bsf, J, on accident and would immediately apologize. After a couple times of this happening she got really upset but i explained i’d been doing the same to J and she seemed to be less upset about it.

In the beginning of January, J and her bestfriend “E” got into some pretty serious drama where information from both sides never matched up but i’d known and used to be friends with E for a while. He is not a great guy speaking from past experience. (he constantly talks about how he’s a narcissist very proudly) He was claiming they had slept together and was telling all of his friends about it. She was saying they hadn’t. These rumors had been going around for months about them but had died down until this. the problem is i believed J but bsf was close with E and sided with him. I’d like to make a note through this entire situation neither me or bsf played any roll in it to my knowledge. this was just between E and J. Later on i found out they had slept together from J and asked why she had said they hadnt she said it was an agreement between the two of them that they wouldn’t say anything to anyone else because of the rumors people were already spreading about them being together. But once she found out it was definitely him telling people this time she told me the truth. yeah they had slept together then he forced her to take a plan B even though he knew she was on birth control and they’d used a condom. then ghosted her and pretended not to know her when asked by Js twins sisters best-friend.

Now it’s about 3 weeks ago where i posted two separate story’s saying how much i loved J and her sister and the other about how much i love bsf. about 10 minutes later bsf texted me “just delete this.” i of course asked why but she never responded so i took it down like she asked. later that day she reply’s to a text i had sent her the day before saying “nothing much just wishing i was hanging out with you” she replied “right.” at this point i’m genuinely confused what’s happening i had a feeling it was about J somehow because every time i posted about J it would be the one thing she didn’t like or comment on and she would get annoyed when i’d mention some thing me and J had done recently. i immediately replied with “of course, i love hanging out with you. your my best friend” A couple hours later she send me a three paragraph message saying how she didn’t think that anymore because i was ignoring everything she was telling me about what E was saying. That i was only taking J’s side and always talking about what J was saying about her side. She said I was using her as a separate option that if J couldn’t hang out i would call her. etc at the end of the message she told me she would never make me choose but that she will never trust anything J says. (they’ve literally never met or talked the only thing she hears about J is through E or me) she ends it with do whatever you want to do but don’t do anything for me. keep being friends with her idk i’m keeping my distance from all that. I replied with a message basically saying that she wasn’t the second option, i wasn’t sure who to trust, and that i try to avoid talking about the situation with J. we go back and forth with her apologizing for how she’s acting then getting mad about me not just believing her over everything else i’m being told. Then she tried to claim she never said J was wrong but that she knows she’s lied to me (the thing i mentioned in the first paragraph is the only time she’s lied to me) that she never picked a side and that she can’t believe how hurt she feels when “i’m supposed to be her bestfriend” i brought up the fact that i had asked her more than once if me being friends with her bothered her and she always said no. That this wouldn’t have exploded like this if we could have talked it out before. she took that as me saying this was all her fault.

A couple days later she messages me asking to talk in person i say when and where but she just send me a message about her feelings anyways again apologizing for how she’s acting and that she felt i wasn’t listening to her but it hurt more to lose me etc but continuing to say she doesn’t think i should be friends with J but it’s my choice. I reply i was listening but i think we were both just trying to find the facts in a situation we will never really know who was lying 100%. but i made a point in the massage to say i wasn’t going to stop being friends with J and that i didn’t understand why me and bsf relationship was so affected by me and J’s. She gets mad again bringing up a hate account that was made claiming J had made it but J had shown me that she hadn’t and it was investigated by our school who also said she didn’t do it. that it was my choice to be friends with her but that i don’t understand how it’s affecting her and that it wasn’t fair. at this point i was really mad because it really felt like she was trying to force me to choose between them two in a way. i replied saying she hadn’t made the account and said i don’t think J is the reason we stopped talking and that i feel like she was making me choose even though she was saying she wasn’t. she then replied saying she didn’t make me choose but that i had chose J over her and “that i guess you though she needed more attention” (yeah maybe because J is not mentally handling this well at all and your fine because your not actually involved with this drama) i didn’t reply to her but about another week later i texted her “i just want to be friends with both of you. why can’t i do that” she replied i understand but i don’t think you should be friends with she’s not a good person but hope your having fun it’s all i wanted for you. that’s the end of the messages at this point.

TLDR : (do we do those here??) bestfriend of three years stopped talking to me because i became friends with another girl who later got into drama with best friends close friend E (A PROUDLY SELF PROCLAIMED NARCISSIST I MIGHT ADD)

What are these acronyms?

[densewentz]

I have a lot of feelings about season 2 obviously, mostly that it was brutally fantastic, but it really serves to highlight the main difference between Crowley and Aziraphale's understanding of loss. long angsty analysis under cut

Because Crowley already knows what it is to lose Aziraphale. I mean really lose him. He fell to the floor in the burning heart of the bookshop thinking Aziraphale was dead and gone. We get to see in fantastic living color how broken it leaves him. He's forced to spend time wallowing in the hopelessness of it before Aziraphale is miraculously back. Then cut to heaven during their ruse, where Crowley is standing there in the flames with Gabriel grinning maliciously in his face, telling the love Crowley just got back to shut up and die. If that scrap of prophecy hadnt found them, if they hadn't been quick enough, clever enough, Crowley would have lost him again. For Good. For Ever. That entire scene, from the cropped cut of Crowley twisting Aziraphale's wrists in their bonds all the way through to the end, Crowley is in a visibly barely contained rage. He's quiet, and still. These are the beings that have been tormenting his love for centuries, who tried to take him away once already and want to take him away from Crowley again. And it boils in him in the same combination that makes terrified dogs Bite. And we see the lasting effect that fear has on him throughout season 2. It drives almost every interaction Crowley has with other characters, particularly in his vehemence that Jim!Gabriel not be anywhere near Aziraphale. Crowley is able to word for word quote that moment back to Jim!Gabriel mostly unprompted because I guarantee its just been repeating in his head since the archangel showed up in the bookshop. He needs Aziraphale safe in that desperate and agonized way you can only feel if you already know what its like to lose them. And the entire season he's combating the fact that the biggest threat to Crowley's love is sitting in his livingroom and Aziraphale keeps handwaving Crowley's trauma away.

Which brings us to Aziraphale. Aziraphale who has never had to experience losing Crowley. His demon is always there just on time, always at his shoulder and on-call. Aziraphale has no concept of the depth of Crowley's grief during the time Crowley thought he'd died in the bookshop, and no idea the damage Crowley's incognito trip to heaven had on him. And then parallel Aziraphale's part in the ruse. Yes, he's playing at being cheeky Crowley, but I'd bet all my money most of that was just Aziraphale relishing in doing what he loves to do: Dramatizing. Watch his scene in hell compared to Crowley's in heaven. Aziraphale is having a blast. To him its a stage production, a clever trick he gets to play. Michael pours 'Crowley' a holy water death bath and it just makes Aziraphale grin because he knows it wont work. He plays it up, wings the water at the demons, makes silly demands, asks the angel who would have killed Crowley to bring him a towel. It's a joke to Aziraphale, because he never even seems to consider (as Crowley obviously does) the reality that if they hadn't swapped places Crowley would be dead. That Michael came grinning down to hell to destroy him. Forever destroy him. And Aziraphale even giggles about it to Crowley on the bench. Aziraphale has no reference or context of what it would be like to actually lose Crowley, it'd be unheard of, so he never processes what could have happened in the way Crowley does. And we continue to see that ignorance crop up in season 2. His dismissal of Crowley's fears as being silly, the way he never once seems to worry for Crowley's safety even with the other angels and hell minions in the room. Michael and Beelzebub are right there. The two who would have seen Crowley turned into nothing. But there's just not the awareness of the threat to Crowley (or himself, but thats another problem) that Crowley inversely possesses. And it all boils down to the simple fact that Aziraphale has never ever lost Crowley. Until now. And you can see it beginning to process post-kiss. You can see it in Aziraphale's face as Crowley dons his glasses and turns his back on Aziraphale for real. This is going to be the beginning of Aziraphale learning what it is to lose his love, and its going to be absolutely heartbreaking yes, but also completely necessary to his growth.

There's that wretched little saying "you don't know what you've got until its gone". Crowley's learned that lesson the hard way already. I guess now its Aziraphale's turn.

[grimmons]

OK i present to you:

A crack-treated-seriously S19 Fix-It Grimmons Fic by a person who has not watched past S2 of RvB and is not an RvB fan by any means - (spoilers for s19, if you haven't watched it, shoo)

It was over. It was all...over.

Griff would leave now there was nothing left to do,to survive against,to fight.

"....You could still come with me",Griff's soft tone pulled Simmons from his thoughts. Why hadnt he..gone yet.

"...I cant do that"

"I know but. If you ever go to earth. You know where to find me"

"You know that wont happen"

"Well. Yes but hypothetically. You know where"

Griff was probably smiling under his **Color here** helmet. A soft dorky smile that sent Simmon's heart racing each quiet night he saw it. A smile just for the two of them,a sight that he would never see again. A sight that was his alone in all the vastness of space. His world swayed around him.

The base would be so quiet. If he wished it if he asked him too he might be able to ask griff to stay. Maybe he could be selfish and hold onto him. But....this is all Griff ever wanted;to go home. Simmons couldnt pull that away after granting it.

Griff turned his back and it all felt so real. All these facts plagued Simmon's mind at once. The ever present reality crushing him under its weight.

Sarge was gone. He had to honor his legacy. He had to do right by him. But...was...was this right?

Was this what Sarge would want for him?? What would he even do in this vast canyon now empty of life.

Griff took another step before being stopped by Simmon's hand on his wrist,he turned to look back at him.

"....Yeah?"

"....Im going too",Simmons breathed out. His voice was shaking,barely a whisper. Griff had to strain his ears to catch it.

"Really??? Okay drama queen let's go~",pure joy entered him. Home AND Simmons best deal yet!

It took some paperwork but not long after they exited the spaceship,stepping on Earth's soil for the first time in...so long. It felt odd really. But they could carve out a life here.

Part of that life was house hunting in a... pretty damn bad market. Simmons groaned settling down on the hard plastic chair. It hurt his butt a little.

"Alright. Lets see how shitty this food is shall we?",Griff laughed settling down in his own seat as he set the kfc in front of him.

"Cant be that bad. Cant be worse than when Sarge made his chili",Simmons laughed but the mention caused him pause.

It had been so hectic in settling down he....hadnt had much time to think on Sarge.

Griff laughed meanwhile,setting the 4 pc. Chicken meal in front of simmons. Only to pause and stare. "Simmons?"

Simmons looked up,giving what he hoped was a convincing smile. He didnt wanna ruin the mood and they were both tired from house hunting... this hope was shattered by the next words from the other's mouth

"Are you crying?"

It broke. It all broke in a slightly dirty kfc. How pathetic really.

When someone dies it leaves a hole. Its an acheing,stinging hole too wide to fill. It was definitely not something now kinda soggy chicken could fill.

His tears were falling into his food and all he could do was wish it was Sarge's shitty southern chilli.

Simmons vaguely registered a hand on his back but he didnt react only crying more. What was he crying about? This was rediculous. He could hear Sarge telling him to keep his chin up. It was a good day. He had so much to look forward too afterall.

But he also had so much to not. It was never coming back. He didnt regret leaving the base but now there werent even familiar locations. No lingering traces of the person who was missing. Sarge was basically his father he... what if he and Griff got married?

They had talked about it. But... if they did Sarge wouldnt be able to participate. He wasnt sure what sarge would do but he wouldve found out if he wasnt dead.

Why is he thinking of all this in a kfc??? A damn kfc really??? All because he thought of some chilli. This was bullshit. He vaguely registered Griff talking softly - gently ushering him out of the restaurant to cry in the car.

The end.

[gypsypendragon]

Pieces of the Heart

3: Cursed

She had been trapped here after her previous wielder had died to an illness of all things. Such a weak end; quite pathetic. Granted they had been running out of use to her as it was, so she hadnt been upset about the loss of a failing user. It had left her in quite a state, however; trapped on this pathetically quiet island. Despite a busy port town the island reeked of peace and she hated it. Trapped in the worst place she could be, and so far out of the way hardly any notable bodies ever passed through. The weapon shop she had come to call a resting ground, for far too long now, was small. She was the most unique thing in the store without even mentioning how powerful she was. Many times over the shop keeper had tried to pawn her off on anyone who looked even remotely rough around the edges, but she would not be wielded by just any ruffian who thought they would venture off to own the seas. Picky would have been a nice way of describing her, but even she was beginning to grow restless. This island was appalling for something as bloodthirsty as she was. After so many years trapped in the quiet, and calm, she was willing to take anyone with even a shred of violence above the normal body. 

In fact that was who was currently standing over her right now. The shop owner was engaged in a bartering session with quite a large man. He was far larger than most who came to the port town, and she could sense at least a lust for violence in him. It was better than nothing; as long as she got out of this pathetic town. They seemed to be reaching terms of some kind, slowly, when the bell to the shop chimed. A young boy walked in, lanky and all limbs as if he hadnt grown into them yet. The two above her paid no mind to the boy who simply began to browse, but she was quite interested in this newcomer.

Even there at the back of the store on top of the counter she could feel it. The scent of blood rolled off the boy in sickening waves. It distorted the air of the store, smothering the pitiable aura of the two above her instantly. He reeked of violence; darkness; rage. She shook subtly against the inside of the saya; it had been so long since she’d sensed a presence this exciting. The boy wandered closer as he seemed to inspect the other swords along the wall with a critical eye, but as he grew closer she felt the truth hiding under everything else. An endless, drowning wave of bloodlust. He reeked of it; it was soaked into his aura, his bones, his soul. He wanted someone dead, she could easily feel it, and nothing would stop him. She could practically taste the tainted desire plaguing his mind, body, and soul. She decided instantly. 

Above her the two she’d long forgotten about seemed to have come to a conclusion. Her would-be buyer reached for her, but she would not be sold to someone with such a minimal sense of violence. The moment she was pulled she bit at him; cutting his hands as deep as she possibly could. She wailed, viciously, sending the shopkeeper and would-be wielder into a shock as their subconscious recoiled at her silent screams. Released, she gracelessly toppled to the floor in the boy’s direction. While her wailing had all but attacked the two weaker bodies, it did nothing to him but catch the boy’s attention. Golden eyes, full of an unforgiving shadow, stared at her for a moment before reaching. The shopkeeper warned him quickly, called her cursed, called her dangerous, yet the boy continued as if he hadnt spoke. His hand wrapped around her and the full force of his true nature washed through her. She could feel the darkness, the tragedy, that haunted him. The rage that propelled him forward; the lust for that man’s blood that was his only reason for standing. 

She wanted it.

Her cries stopped, releasing the two others from their subconscious terror, as she settled calmly in the boy’s hands. He tested her carefully, flexing slender, blood stained fingers around her hilt. She was light in his grip; easy to wield despite her size. He asked about her. He could feel it just as much as she did; she’d help him get what he wanted. 

The shopkeeper seemed to hesitate, but he gave a significantly lower price than before. She knew he wanted her out of there as much as she wanted to go, and she’d never been so easily calmed by another before. The man from before became agitated at the lower price he’d given a child compared to his previous, but the boy accepted easily. Soon she was slung over his shoulder before settling against him as if she belonged there. Unwilling to let the insult slide, her would-be buyer confronted the boy, but she felt almost dizzy with excitement when the response was a pulse of warning filled with promised violence in those golden eyes. 

She’d always been fond of the color of gold; it went so well with crimson...

Even a fool would have left the boy alone after a display such as the one he easily presented. Leaving the confines of the small, quiet weapon’s shop finally made her thirst for action right away. She slithered into his subconscious; whispering quiet requests nearly giddy with excitement. He’d smirked, as they walked the edge of the bustling streets of the portside market, and told her not yet. She felt exasperated, but quieted. He did not reek of such violence and blood for no reason.

As she’d met the others who would accompany the boy, and by association, her, she was underwhelmed. She’d expected others as dark as the one who now carried her, but was disappointed to find they were almost the opposite. One of the children, the taller they called Penguin, was appalling to her; little to no lust for blood ran through him. The other boy, Shachi or so, though he seemed he might be more willing was still no better. While they both radiated a knack for violence, they were not hungry for bloodshed like her boy. She almost missed the young mink with them completely; such a timid and submissive atmosphere was of no interest to her. 

The older boy seemed to be wary of her presence, almost seeming against her coming aboard their ship, but he was overruled. Her boy was the leader it seemed; wonderful. She did get one useful thing out of that child though… 

Law. 

She stored his name carefully; what an interesting name.

As he’d told her it took a while before she was finally given what she wanted. Such a small crew meant they were viewed as easy prey, but Law held greater power. A devil fruit user only added to the strange and terrible things she got to do. Though she was not overly pleased when he used her alongside a few of his abilities, those she cut still alive and blood nowhere to be found, his lack of apprehension on spilling blood made up for it. Her favorite moments, however; were when the others became victims of injury. Law’s tactical apprehension vanished when his crew shed blood, and she relished in the violence he gave in response. The brutality of his vengeance against the cause was enamoring. He’d allow her to spill blood until it washed over deck sides, until her sheen was crimson instead of pale silver. 

He’d devised a cruel plan as she sailed with him. 100 still beating hearts; how wonderfully vile. Ripped from their owners and given away against their will. The cadavers they created together in pursuit of the hearts filled her with nearly painful bliss. She tasted more blood at his side than she had in years; even growing close to the time she’d spent with her previous wielder. 

Rival crews were fed to her without much thought; care given to her after each battle. Always on his shoulder she never allowed him far without her. Often some of his crew would inquire about her, but her dear boy would smirk and give vague answers. Admitting she was perhaps, attached to him, wouldnt have been hard. She asked for blood, constantly lingering in the back of his mind, and more often than not he’d provide it. Far more willing than even her previous had been; their blood soaked auras mix together hauntingly well.

Later she showed the growth of her power combined with his own on that snowy island when she’d tasted stronger blood of a marine. Wielded so meticulously, and given the chance to truly let her blade fly was exhilarating. She’d expected nothing less from her boy by now though. The part she liked the most though, was his obsession with the need to kill this man Doflamingo. The way it fed into his twisted thoughts day and night over the years. She fed off the way he thought about everything the man had done; the way it poured into his need for vengeance and his desire to kill. How it drove his actions in desperation letting her come out more and more.

Then came that island. Years and years he’d fed her what she wanted, and she’d helped him pave the way to what he wanted. The unfiltered rage that wormed into him swirled into her. The longer they remained there the more his violence grew; the more his lust for blood consumed him. She relished in the waves of darkness that washed across them both as he finally began what he was after. 

She’d lost him at some point; separated in his mad dash to finish what had consumed him. It didnt matter though, not after so long. They were bound; she could feel it. 

Careless violence; unchecked rage; unquenchable bloodlust.

The reckless, untamed violence Law wrought upon not only this man but himself in his sheer need to kill. 

Oh she relished in it. 

The aftermath, though, proved to confuse her. His insatiable lust for blood was dimmed. The raging violence that had driven them their entire time together was gone. She was, displeased, at the time. Law had been a goldmine in a pathetically predictable ocean of bodies, but now her dear, violent, tainted boy was… calm. 

She had considered it; abandoning him. 

But then his mind started to turn again. 

Insanity. 

That is what came to him not long after. She wondered if he was aware what a plan like that might mean; what he would have to do. Perhaps she could feed off of that just as much as she had his violence. His lust for the blood of another was gone, but she still felt his sadistic nature lurking ever present at the edge of his mind. He still saw red when his crew was injured, he would still easily shed blood of any other that didnt share his mark… 

She considered him for a while; took account of the plans he still devised. He still reeks of blood; still stands on mountains of bodies; still is haunted by a rage even killing could never extinguish… 

And she decides once again, like all those years ago, that her boy is still enough…

XX🐠🏴‍☠️XX

I've wanted to experiment with Kikoku for a while now. I love the idea of cursed partially-sentient objects. It's clear in OP that the cursed swrods have a will/mind of their own to some degree so I wanted to play around with our evil girl Kikoku.

damn it Oda give us more info on her. I want to know where she came from, how she got cursed, etc etc.

Anyhoo hope you enjoyed this one. More to come since I use these as breaks between drawing.

[lexa-griffins]

can you tell us more about werewolf Clarke bitting Lexa and turning her into a werewolf? How did Lexa’s first full moon go?

The bite happens immediately on that first night when Clarke finds Lexa and they fuck. Lexa pretty much begs her to do it and in her state, Clarke barely considers the consequences of bitting this human girl she has "known" for the whole of two hours, 90 per cent of those spent buried inside of her. At the time is fucking magical, I mean, for Clarke it means a mate for life and Lexa well, she's a whole agglomeration of kinks and the bain from the bite feel delicious on her shoulder as Clarke thrusts into her from behind.

After that tho, when Clarke brings a sleepy Lexa back to cave and runs arojns trying to find any furs she collected over the years to lay her in, Clarke realizes she bite her and what that means for them. She can't even send her to a village away from the one who sacrificed her to the beast of the woods, not with such a bite and Clarke feels like she turned this girlbinto a fate worse than death: being like her. Lexa, however, wakes her sore - and not only from the bite - but rather content, looking around for Clarke, which she finds on the other end of the cave, now human, knees to her chest staring at her, already apologizing for bitting her and turning her into a monster like her. Lexa crawls her way to her, thanking her for doing it - the thought of going back to her village or any village and leaving a dreadful life as a housewife would have been her personal hell, so anything sounds better than that.

Now, because Lexa isn't a werwolf by blood but by bite, she doesn't fully transform intona werewolf like Clarke, but she does still look very wolf-woman and has the same urges. Its painful to turn, she learns. Not unbearably so, but it feels like her entire body is aching until she finally turns.

That is the only pain she finds in it.

Clarle thought Lexa would want to run and hide like Clarke does so much, trying her best to not be seen but the hunger she feels always drives her closer to villages where she can smell the cooked food. But Lexa, Lexa seems enamored by the full moon. Maybe is the fact Lexa was never allowed to run freely or be loud and uncaring about how the world sees her, but unlike Clarke, Lexa embraces her wolf side with happiness and joy in her freedom. Clarke has never had this much fun during a full moon, not since she was a small girl and she experienced her first few full moons with her dad before he died. They run, god Lexa loves to run and Clarke hadnt ran this much in so long, its freeing and so nice. They fuck so much. But in their werewolf form they have more stamina and can go on for hours. They hunt, and they eat more than Lexa could ever eat when human and then they fuck again.

They wake up the next morning back as humans, naked somewhere on a small clearing, with a wlecomed soreness and heaviness all over their bodies, but Lexa is happy to know turning isnt has horrid as she thought it would be and that its actually so very pleasent for her mind to turn more animalistic and seeing Clarke enjoying it made her look forward to the next many full moons theyll spend together :)

[stealingbones]

can i just,, rant about south park? (spoiler warning obv)

I never thought id be into basic american adult tv buthere we are- I recently got into it, feb 19th i started watching and finished the whole 26 seasons and two games (sot and tfbw) in a month. Just finished tfbw game earlier today and almost lost my mind fr bc wth man.... anyway, theres your background for how mentally ill i am, now-

South park characters have so much detail in their characters, right down to the little things, like cartman having to finish singing sail away or kenny liking oragami, like??? i love the little character details that nobody thinks about hello??

Its so hard to take them seriously with that stupid artstyle (the artstyle has grown on me and i love it sm but still, theyre hella goofy) but seriously some parts cut deep- especially the whole fucking covid thing, never in my life did i think id cry at fUCKING SOUTH PARK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I see a lot of angst and it actually makes sense??? And just,, a lot of stan's stuff is really depressing, i hate the episode(s) 'youre getting older' holy fuck. The fact that stan knows how to drive at 8 years old most likely because his dad is an alcoholic who drives drunk too is graaAAA,, I feel so bad for butters too, the innocent child who gets all the trauma dumped on him 💀 none of the kids in south park are safe from trauma, not even 'new kid' (they fr made you choose a parent, dude.....) one of my favorite serious moments though actually is when kenny tries to get them to remember his deaths, the like "TRY AND FUCKING REMEMBER." is so dramatic and im fbedhunfinjecnijef

also cartman being the only one to remember kenny's deaths waa,, Cartmanland he says 'what kenny? he dies all the time' and when kenny tries to make the others remember,, cartman isnt there so á, then cartman isnt shocked when kenny escapes wherever tf cthuhlu sent everyone. cartman did drink kenny's ashes so that could be the reason he remembers epic

also also, i didnt even think about it before until i seen just kenny and kyle at the bus stop, but stan and cartman moving away and just having two of the main four left at the iconic bus stop scene is so upsetting,, I enjoy the older seasons best 💔 Like season 10 and earlier man,, their early seson voices too omg <3 When they started doing season long stories was kind of annoying (edit bc new episode dropped, they put cartman back lmao,, still missing stan though man...)

Switching topics- No wonder style is more popular than stendy, it has more content than stendy even though theyre cannon dating 💀i think cartman and wendy interaction more actually. Wendy's kind of cool and i wish theyd make an effort to show her and stan together more often (even small things like they do with creek) and a few times its even shown how little stan cares, like with the texting thing or the time they broke up for a bit stan had said he hadnt talked to her for weeks... Stan doesnt deserve wendy tbh, i also always forget she killed someone for stan lol, they really dialed her crazy back,,

I probably have more random thoughts but these are the main ones,, the little guys have been doing laps around my brain for a month straight and i feel like im going to explode

[gunslinginnhogtyin]

Butch cackles triumphantly when he’s afforded a small success, his feet meeting the others shoulder blades with ease where they remain sturdy—atleast up until the beast simply allows themself to plummet. If he hadn’t kept a tight hold on that rope, he certainly would have flew off in the process. He feels himself crash right back into place after having been momentarily lifted by the momentum in which the other produced upon falling and then a laugh erupts from Resonance once his form meets the ground once more, causing the entire cavern to quake as a result. His hat was long gone.

The cowboys spaded tail had unfurled itself from his waist somewhere in the mix of their drop and now it remains pointed up in alarm as he struggles to come up with a snarky reply to the others words, his teeth gritted angrily. He hadnt anticipated the drop but there was still plenty of time to follow through with the rest of his plan! To bind the beasts wings in order to immobilize him somewhat so he atleast has a chance—but faster than his thoughts can process what all is happening, that slippery tail of Resonance’s slithers around his neck, his hands instinctively releasing his rope and moving to claw at the monsters scales instead as it tightens. A small gasp escapes him before breathing becomes difficult and it only gets harder to suck in oxygen as he’s lifted into the air, completely helpless now.

“…F-Fuck…. YOU…” He manages to choke out, spitting at them as they slowly turn their form to face him. He struggles for his life, squirming and kicking, his nails digging into the fabric of his gloves and scratching at those scales at a poor attempt to loosen his hold. He squeezes his eyes shut, hissing when he feels something sharp pierce the skin of his of his shoulder; beyond the sound of his own heartbeat ever so rapid in his ears, he can hear something rip as that sharp object—that claw—drags a long gash through his skin with frightening ease.

He’s not even able to cry out in pain as the appendage tightens suddenly, making breathing practically impossible now. Was this it? Was this how he died? Being strangled to death by some ugly snake monster, unknown to the rest of the world? The lack of oxygen coupled with the adrenaline coursing through his body was beginning to make him dizzy, and just like that—Resonance gives him one hell of a wake up call by throwing him into a pile of stones that crumble under the force of the tail whip. That tail recedes from his hold and Butch rolls onto his side in the pile of rubble, a hand moving to his throat as he coughs and chokes for air now that it’s available. His body ached, he was beginning to feel faint, and this dumbass thing was demanding he make another attempt, no doubt for its own amusement.

The moment he gives up though, he knows, is more than likely where the fun will end for Resonance—that would be when he would meet his demise. So, with trembling arms and while still trying to catch his breath, the cowboy pushes himself off of the ground and shakily rises to his feet once more, wiping some blood from face where the impact of being slammed into the ground had busted him in the head. He can feel the sticky substance pooling to that area of his damaged scalp, making his hair wet and matted. It’s trickles down his forehead and smears across his face when he attempts to wipe it away, his fight or flight senses preventing him from feeling the full extent of the pain from the blow.

Looking up at the beast, his eyes find the rope that had caught one of its horns, dangling. Swinging back and forth. If he could just… get ahold of that again, he could do something. All he really needs to do is slow it down, momentarily stun it… or something that’s actually possible for him to do.

“H-Hey!” He rasps, one of his hands involuntarily moving to clutch his shoulder where the gash had began. “Y-Y’dont know near’s much ‘bout me as y’think!” By now, he’s pieced together the fact that this thing knew things about him that Artair knew. Clearly it has some sort of fixation with his friend in one way or another, that or some kind of psychic connection. He’s not sure what or how exactly, and honestly he’s not even positive that he’s right, but… anything at this point that he could use to prolong the seemingly inevitable—it was worth a try. So, he does what he does best and lies.

“…Artair don’ even know. Y’think ya’ve got me cornered? That y’can kill me? Motherfucker, I’m immortal.” He bluffs but maintains a dangerously serious tone, despite how shaky his words come out due to his current state. “Th’ harder y’push me…th’ stronger I get.” He snorts, cracking a grin up at the beast, one that shows he’s unafraid. “It may not look it now but when I transform—hoo boy, I’m gonna ‘njoy twistin’ yer head off yer shoulders an’ crushin’ it in my hands like a grape.” He spits out those words with pure malice, wishing he could actually do just that. He’s not sure if this stunt will even work in his favor considering the creatures view on him thus far but maybe it will intrigue him at the very least.

The rope lands, dangling from one horn before it snaps tight, giving Butch his opportunity. The creature laughs and it echoes, only reverberating further in the wide cavern of the room. But it allows his swing onto the mane of it's hair and the broad expanse of its shoulders and back. "HA--- so the runt has a bit of backbone? I'd be impressed if you weren't so stupid."

It laughs again and--- plummets, releasing the alcove above entirely. The wings don't even flap as it falls. The impact shakes the whole cave as coils of heavy serpentine muscle collide with the ground, loosing stalactites from the ceiling. They shatter into rock shards against the hard ground with concussive crashes.

Butch is still on his back with his little lasso. "Did you really think something so weak could take on me?" He asks, a smug sort of pride slithering through his voice. "Was this your plan? All of it? Pathetic!" There's a movement behind Butch, and the feathery tip of the beast's tail swerves in front of him, prehensile enough to wrap around his neck and squeeze. He's lifted too once it's wrapped around, as the whole of Resonance's body seems to squirm and shift to face him, keeping him stationary in the air.

He pokes him with a finger. "Do you know why I can do all this talking. All this time-wasting, Butch? Because it doesn't matter how long I give you. How much I ramble. I am stronger than you. You are nothing, practically human! And if I wasn't bored I could rip you into meaty little shreds."

A claw raises, a single finger digging into Butch's shoulder, before draggingggggg down his bicep, leaving a bloody split in the skin as it carves into his flesh. "So eager to survive, but too senseless to live." The scales squeeze around his neck to cut off his air.

It grins again, no fangs this time, and lets the tail slam him into some of the stones on the ground before letting him go. "Go on. Get up. Try again."

[pinkseas]

techno doing this 180 but still being SO incredibly selfish i hate him literally more than ever now like holy shit. cc techno literally one of my favorites of all time right up there but oh my god do i want his character died. 

obviously theres the whole youre kind to me ill repay that, you fuck me up ill repay that even worse. dream wasnt even good to him dream saved him SOLELY to get techno on his good side and get that favor from him !! but hey, its technos ideal, its a HUGE part of his character and such a big reason behind his hypocrisy. except that huge part of his ideal means we get.

"YOU. you have fucked up so much of this server everyone who knows you thinks youre better off in jail my friends seem to all hate you i dont even like you and if you escape its a lose situation for everyone. EXCEPT for myself and my allies of course, considering we are kinda pals (and if we werent im stronger than you) so i can just keep myself and them safe. i will let you out now because you saved My life that one time. i dont know the true depth of the consequences for this but even if i did i wouldnt care because its a win for me even if its a lose for literally everyone else. lets get you out and then i can go back to living my life and not giving a shit about you."

i wont even get INTO shit with sam bc dear GOD but like. if dream hadnt escaped or he’d handed him back in ranboo would not be dead. and of course theres dream with the revive book and techno mentioning how its great that dream owes them, because he can bring people back to life. another win for technoblade!

techno who now cares deeply for the syndicate deciding for ranboos sake and No Other Reason that hes fine with talking to tubbo like a human being now. hes fine with teaming up with tubbo, who he NEVER apologized to, who he scarred permanently when he murdered him under “peer pressure” in spite of even then being the most powerful person on the server, whose entire country he blew up twice. the butcher army was very much “you hurt us, we’re going to hurt you both for that and before you can do it again” and it was HORRIFIC but it really followed technos own ideals and the man still couldnt fathom it.

techno and tubbo in character were friends at the very start and since then techno has done NOTHING but treat tubbo as less than human and instead as the living embodiment of what techno hates and wants to destroy most. technoblade hates governments, blew lmanburg down to bedrock for daring to ‘use’ him, as if he didnt follow President Schlatt’s direct orders to execute tubbo publically. as if he didnt burn a crater into skin at the command of a government long before he burned the land. 

not that it matters, not that the entire syndicate at techno’s lead going to snowchester to interrogate and “cyberbully” (that was a really funny way to put it actually and im so mad about it) tubbo matters, not that the fact that techno has only EVER been a sign that tubbo is about to get burned matters. because tubbo can give him answers on ranboo, and if they team up they can get ranboo back. tubbo is fine now because he is a useful tool in returning one of technos friends to him.

idk man! 180 and all but like. wow i hate him so bad <3

[theloveliestfool]

So that exchange of "we killed each other" "many times" got me thinking

Nicky said "the love of my life was of the people i had been taught to hate" so it sounds like this belief system ran pretty deep and nicky is so kind but that type of prejudice that you are raised into is hard to break so i think it took quite awhile before they got together and they both had to work really hard on their biases

So they kill each other in battle and then continue killing each other until andy and quynh get there to explain. And they HATE that they have to stick together now.

Idk if that other dude had already died and if they knew that they could die yet but even if they did, nicky and joe took full advantage of that "too new to die" loophole.

They are constantly trying to catch the other unawares.

Booby traps left around the house.

Making tea as a peace offering but its poisoned

One of them makes a pun at dinner and the other one snipes him with a butter knife

One morning andy is drinking coffee in the kitchen and tiredly takes a dagger away from joe as he passes by to stab nicky while hes sleeping

Andy and quynh know nicky and joe like each other and have a bet going on how long it will take them to pull their heads out of their asses

Despite their best efforts, they do get to know each other since its hard not too when youre traveling with someone for decades to centuries

Nicky notices joe quietly sketching next to the fire every night but doesnt see his drawings for years until joe accidentally leaves it out and nicky sees the most beautiful sketches.

Portraits of each person in the group. Small details that nicky hadnt even noticed. The mole on andys chin. Quynhs dimples. And several of nicky.

His hands, his silhouette, his face in profile. (When he sees that, he thinks joe is making fun of his nose. He immediately gets up and walks over to joe and stabs him without preamble. When joe comes back he demands to know what that one was for but nicky refuses to explain)

Joe notices nickys kindness. Listening to quyhn as she describes the village she grew up in that no longer exists. Feeding any stray dog in their path A child trips as they are walking through a city and they start crying. Nicky immediately stops to help them up, he wipes off their tears and brushes the dirt off. He speaks gently, telling them their ok and look, there's not even a scratch. It was then that joe knew he was in trouble.

Joe comes around first (though it still takes awhile), he stops trying to kill nicky and starts trying to talk with him instead and nicky finds it suspicious but slowly starts opening up too

One day after like 50 years of this theyre training and andy pairs joe and nicky together. She swears its because they always fight harder when theyre paired together but quyhn is glaring because andys deadline on the bet is coming up and shes trying to force the two together

After several minutes of furious dueling, nicky disarms joe and holds his sword tip against joes throat.

Joe winks at him "what are you gonna do, stab me?"

He does

Nicky starts wiping off his blade waiting for joe to get up so they can go again. After a couple of minutes he realized joe hasnt moved

Nicky kicks his foot "hey, get up we're not done yet. Nap later"

Joes foot rolls with the impact but other than that he isnt moving

Nicky FREAKS he drops his sword and starts yelling for andy and quyhn. He falls to his knees next to joe and starts frantically wiping at all the blood on his neck to see if the wound had healed. As soon as he clears enough away to see that it had, in fact, healed joe cracks open one eye

"Awww i knew you liked me"

Nicky slumps over in relief "oh you are such an asshole"

But he leans over to kiss joe anyway

In the background andy smugly holds out her hand while quynh counts out some coins muttering that she cheated

[shoezuki]

I'm going to sound like an ass but I'm so happy c!Tommy died, like I ate some leftover chicken in celebration. With Tommy dead, people will be forced to see that the smp doesn't revolves around him, that he's just a character like everyone else and that without him the story still continues.

I hope that cc!Tommy takes a breaks for a while, or at the very least if he's going to do ghostinnit pulls a Wilbur and appear only on other people's streams. It would make the people who only watch Tommy's pov have to watch different people for lore, it might get the fandom to stop treating Tommy like he's the main character, which would be great cause there are no main characters just preferred perspectives.

Also he ruined the little progress Dream had made (I was so excited for that goddamnit) and killed a cat, mean little shit. Also it might wake up people to the fact that Tommy did cause a lot of conflict, but I sadly doubt it.

The only bad I see from this is the fandom;

1. glossing over the cat and just how fucked up that was of Tommy. Trauma or the cycle of abuse are not even close to exsuces, he fucken keep hitting it then killed it just be a dick. Hold him fully accountable and don't downplay this, this was straight up evil of him, arguably he worse thing he has done as of yet.

2. The new wave of Philza stuff with people talking about how much he's going to regret not fathering Tommy dispite him not being his son

3. Even more Technoblade hate that's somehow worse because of his favor he owes to Dream. Like I just saw a post on how Philza should be killed in front of him then excused by "peer pressure" (Techno was surrounded and had no support, stalled for as long as possible, it's not like he wanted to so it) so he'd "understand" pain and loss, blocked them on sight, but still holy shit.

⸺ Rat ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

lkahf;lkhaf yea like i Feel you im Nearly in the same boat but like. kinda?

the entire ‘getting locked in prison’ type arc or whatever was Weird to me n considering that tommy said Before he was gon tap out and back down a bit. like the disc war finale felt FINALE n like? i thought that was fine and dandy. a win for the lads then tommy can jus chill and Not have such a pivotal/main character type role. 

n i was SO GLAD for that. him buildin a hotel w sam and being hunted down by niki and jack and poking at the egg a bit n all that wasnt like. he wasnt the Pivotal point in those as much. considering he’d had a Huge impact in other ppls stories he couldnt jus Disappear. 

i did NOT understand why him being locked in prison was like. a thing. i didnt get it narratively. like idk what to have expected i thought itd jus be like. more downtime for tommy then Bam angst angst big lore oh no INTENSE. 

him dying is like. especially at dream’s hand. i feel its a double edged sword. like you say i REALLY HOPE itll mean things wont circle around him. more notice and attention can be given to the egg arc. and ESPECIALLY w how jack has been going on w today’s events like holyfuck man’s really goin OFF. tommy dying was narratively the best outcome him like jack manifold stans r losin their minds on my dash today

but ALSO. the reactions instilled within the fandom have really shown a like. exactly what i figured. like him Dying is now gonna cloud so many other characters n perceptions a those characters. we see it w phil n techno like mans wasnt even on dsmp he was on his hardcore world n had ppl all in his chat bout how his ‘son’ is dead lkshglsdhg

and this weird. like. i dont know if martyrdom is the right term for it? but like i LITERALLY hadnt seen Any mentions of tommy killing the cat. and that is Very fucked up. like IF tommy hadnt done that then to me it seemed dream had killed tommy Suddenly with no reasoning. and as fucked as it was to kill tommy, WITH the context of him killing dream’s cat like.... it makes so much more sense. like still fucked he died, but in this sense his death was direct and instant retribution for his own actions. 

and why the FUCK r ppl so nasty w techno????? mans not done shit??? he aint streamed or done Lore in a while now Especially not in reference to tommy??? like oh my GOD keep his name out ur mouth. 

like. as we seen everywhere too. they probably gon revive him in some way sometime. n considering how Talked Up that is its seems itll be regarded as the ‘main plot’ or some shit. largely overshadow other things. i want tommy to Not be revived. if he comes back like ghostbur, cool. mans chillin. but he should be dead for at Least a bit for the smoke to settle n so other ppl and plots can Work their way Out.

[rosewinelonging]

the condesce x roxy - size difference

“you fucking bitch!” roxy snarled, throwing herself forward but not getting far. she was naked save for her underwear, laying on a bed nearly twice her size, with her wrists tied by rope to the headboard. no amount of struggling seemed to loosen them, if anything they just got tighter.

across the room was the empress herself, imposing frame standing in the doorway which must be huge if it fit her and her horns without trouble. in fact the entire room was large, and she would have laughed were she not worried about escaping and her most likely imminent demise.

the batterwitch sauntered in, large steps making her hips sway. “nah youse the bitch here gurlie.”

she was large. nearly twice the size of roxy herself and thats not counting her horns. during their battle she hadnt paid much attention seeing as she was jumping around, trying to get above to have a better vantage point. but now? laying on her back she felt like an ant beneath her gaze as her shadow fell across her body.

roxy curled her shoulders up. she didnt like being this exposed, especially not in front of her biggest enemy. “dont come any closer.”

the condesce laughed. a sharp, barking sound that made her heart skip a beat and grinned down her shark-like teeth, a blinding white. “and how in the fuckin world you gonna do anyfin? ropes tight as fuck. aint no way you gettin outta there.'' roxy faltered.

she wasnt wrong but she couldnt lay down and take it. whatever it was. so she bared her teeth in return, “fuck you!!!!” and began to kick her legs out, the only thing left untied. the condesce rolled her eyes at her display like she was some petulant child having a tantrum.

“humans are so fuckin annoyin.”

she lifts a hand and roxy lifts her leg up in preparation but she doesnt go for her. instead she moves to her back, then the sound of a zipper being pulled. she watches, eyes wide, as the empress slowly shimmies out of her wet suit. pulling out her arms before pushing it down to her waist, revealing her chest. if they were the same size her tits would have been a b-cup at most. however she was nearly double her size which meant her tits were about the size of her head. roxy swallowed.

the wetsuit continued to be pushed down until the condesce was able to kick it off to the side. with everything uncovered it was hard to resist letting her eyes wander. even being sworn enemies had to admit she had a very nice body. busty with thick hips and thighs, curves that looked just right. she was kinda jealous.

the condesce snorted and she felt her face heat up. “go ahead baby. aint blamin ya for wantin a look.” her dick twitches at pet name and if she could she would have died on the spot. then the bed dips.

by the time she remembers to struggle its too late. a leg was thrown over her waist and then she was being straddled. it finally hits her why she didnt bother tying her legs down. she was heavy, completely pinning her to the bed with just her body weight. not a single chance shed be able to move now. roxy mentally mourns losing her one chance to fight, distracted by the empresses hot bod.

then claws are running up her thigh, barely scratching but theyre still sharp enough to break skin leaving a thin trail of blood. she whimpers as she goes up her inner thigh before stopping at her remaining article of clothing. “w-wait-”

she hooks a claw underneath the waistband, cutting through the thin fabric easily. roxys dick sprang out of its confinement and she shivered. “i liked those panties..ah! dont!”

one hand wraps around her length, easily covering the entire thing. she gasps. the condesce was cold, her palm smooth to a degree it was almost slimey. it was weird and she did not like that feeling on her dick. “let go you fucking weirdo! get your gross alien hands off the goods.” she predictably ignores her protests.

“its been FAR too long since ive had human cock. poor little ol’ me beens all pent up ya feel? ma husband was good but hes out swimmin with tha fishies if ya know what i means.” she winks and roxy grimaces.

“ok?? and why is this my problem. use toys like the rest of us lady.” she huffed. the condesce started pumping her dick. didnt even need to move her hand, just squeeze it lightly and it sent her on edge. roxy had to hold herself back from rocking up into her fist. “o-or cant you get a uh fuck. a fuck buddy. you have servants, the carapcians are good f-fuck toys.”

“ehhh too small. an ‘sides they aint good enough, gotta earn this privilege. the other kiddos aint got the right part an that rainbow drinker is best used for breeding.” she roughly twists her wrist and roxy moans.

mortified, she could feel herself getting hard. then the condesce sits up, she uses two fingers to spread her pussy apart and positions her body above roxys dick. “wait!” she stops and looks up at roxy. dark pink meets bright pink and she struggles with an excuse.

“whale? what ya want? im not stopping till im done.”

roxy opens her mouth, eyes flicking around the room. “im a minor!”

“i’ve had younger.” and she sinks down.

roxy gasps. she doesnt stop until shes taken her to the hilt. her cunt is tight and warm unlike her hand, fuck did it feel good. the condesce lays her hand on her stomach to balance herself and that alone was enough to knock the breath out of her lungs. 

the empress groans, tilting her head back. she rocked forward, moving up before sinking back down. roxy bites her lip, eyes fluttering shut as she tries to hold back a moan. it was wet, every movement making a loud squelching that did nothing to help her. she could feel the way she squeezed around her dick, muscles contracting, pulling her deeper inside. wetness coated her length, dripping down to her thighs. everytime she lifted herself up only to slam back down, skin slapping together, it made her gasp. partially because it felt so good, partially because she was dropping her entire body weight onto her much smaller lap.

and she never moved the hand from her stomach. a constant pressure pinning her down while she had her way. roxy moaned, high pitched and desperate, toe curling at the thought. she couldnt lie and say shes never had wet dreams starring the alien though they had a lot less restraints. since it was already happening she might as well enjoy it.

so she let her body relax, mouth falling open not holding back any more sounds. letting the wet slapping and the empresses deep grunts fill her ears. until something wet pressed against her lower gut. she furrowed her brows at the feeling but ignored it. until it kept pressing, growing in size and she felt it move. 

her body shudders at the feeling, cracking one eye open to see what the fuck-

roxys eyes snap open and she stares at the condesces pussy. the constant movements make it hard to see well but can still see. watching as something pink slowly slides out of her. whatever it is its thin and bright pink, peaking out of her and currently resting on her stomach. she might have thought it was a toy until she watched it move, no it slithered like a fucking snake, or an eel. and it continued to slither out of her getting longer and thicker, completely smooth. it dripped in a viscous pink liquid, spreading it over her stomach as it writhed against her skin. being pulled back everytime the condesce lifted herself up.

“what the fuck.” she could hear her heart as it pounded in her chest.

the thing- the tentacle thats what it looked like- continued to grow still pushing out of her. she watched in horror as the tip lifted up, curling in the open air.

the condesce laughs, she can feel the vibrations all the way to her dick. “what? gurls never seen a bulge beshore?” no she hadnt. it was fucking weird.

roxy told her as much, getting another bark of laugh. she could imagine the grin on her face though her eyes never left the ‘bulge’. it stopped getting longer which she assumed meant it was fully out. the tentacle was long, definitely over a foot but she couldnt be sure from the way it curled in the air, wrapping in on itself. it was also thick, the base was probably twice as thick as her wrist. the entire thing was a bright pink and didnt seem to stop dripping, cum? it was a lot thicker than human cum she could see from the way droplets fell onto her stomach, running off to the side and leaving a trail of pink.

“damn gurl stop your ooglin. youse mackin me blush.” roxy tore her eyes away to look up at her, she had to strain her neck back to meet her face. the condesce was grinning her black skin tinted pink though it was probably from exertion. she hadnt stopped riding her, if anything going faster than she was before, tits bouncing with every drop. 

roxy tried to keep her voice as even as possible. “you have a tentacle growing out of your pussy.”

she laughed again, she almost sounded like a seal. “whale im shore-” her hand shot out and grabbed her neck. “youd love for me ta pond your sweet ass.” roxy choked. her hand easily held her entire neck and she squeezed, claws digging into her soft flesh.

“but youse havent done anyfin ta earn it. you should be grateful im usin your beach ass ta pleasure me.” she slammed her hips back harder than she did before. it stung as roxys mouth flapped open, arms pulling against the ropes, struggling to catch her breath but she didnt care.

the condesce kept chasing her pleasure, going harder, deeper than she was before. using her free hand she grabbed her bulge, letting it wrap around her wrist. panting turning into deep moans, gradually increasing in volume, and the hand tightens.

her vision begins to blur, darkness crawling at the edges as her limbs begin to slow down. then the condesce moans, louder than before, and shouts in alternian. liquid gushes from her pussy, she can feel it seeping down her dick to her thighs. she tightens considerably as she orgasms. the combined pressure around her dick and throat has her eyes rolling up, back arching. she feels her dick explode inside her, cum shooting out with an intensity that wouldve made her breathless.

right as the darkness was about to overtake her, the condesce let her go and air filled her lungs. she chokes, coughing hard, sucking in deep breaths. distantly she feels the condesce slide off, her dick flopping down against her leg. the stream of liquid hasnt stopped however, and through tears she can see the pink pouring out of her. she doesnt seem to be panicking as she stains her stomach, thighs, definitely the white sheets, even her own thighs and stomach. though that was just because her bulge was curling up and slapping against her.

when the stream finally ends shes completely caught her breath. shes staring at the ceiling, not knowing if it was rude to stare as she came. her main concern at the moment is how hard the stain will be to wash out seeing as there was an inch of skin of thigh or stomach not coated with the liquid. after a bit the empress started rubbing it around, because “why the shell not?”

a very compelling argument.

finally she feels the pouring come to an end and the condesce moves. she forgot how light she felt without a 7 foot alien straddling her hips. said alien stands, stretching her arms above her head.

she looks over her shoulder to throw roxy a smirk. “that was fun. sea ya tomorrow.” and saunters back out the door she entered and apparently never closed. roxy blinked at her figure exiting and disappearing down the hall outside before realization set in.

she throws her body to the side, pulling her wrists against the ropes. “YOU FUCKING BITCH! DONT LEAVE ME HERE. YOU DIDNT EVEN TAKE YOUR STUPID SUIT!!!”

[brelione]

Trying To Help (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

Warnings:Mentions of death, not super sad kind of just conflicting I think (figured id give you guys an emotional break), mentions of blood.Not proof read because im a lazy bitch.

“Hey pretty boy.”You whispered, trying not to cry.Topper frowned, not understanding where he was or why everything felt so weird. “Im sorry I drove off a bridge.”He replied, his voice sounding funny as if he had been talking with food in his mouth.

 “Dont be bubs, you didnt mean to….”You replied, hoping your voice wasnt hurting his head.His eyes closed again, too lazy to keep them open. “Rafe should be here soon.”You bit the inside of your cheek anxiously.

His nose scrunched up, a look of disapproval on his face. “Why does everything always gotta be about Rafe?”He asked, his eyes opening wide when he realised there was a cast on his arm.He moved the fingers on his right hand, making sure that one wasnt broken too.Needles and IVs had been stabbed into his arm and hand, an air tube across his face and at his nostrils.

He noticed your hand on the bed, reaching for it with his good hand.You let him hold it, glad he wasnt mad at you.The room was quiet and dark but not so much that it was awkward, the two of you just trying to keep eachother calm. “Hey,guys.”The door opened to reveal Rafe.

He was wearing a backwards hat, a light blue polo shirt and black pants.He looked just as much of a mess as you, a guilty expression on his face.His eyes flicked over to you and Toppers hands as he sat in the chair next to you.

 “Is that Rafe?”Topper asked, too tired to open his eyes again. “Yeah, dude.You really fucked up this time.”Rafe smiled but his face quickly fell into a frown when you didnt do the same.You began to drag your fingertips along Toppers arm, feeling a bit better when he grinned at the feeling.

“So how was the movie?”He asked, feeling his eyes water up. “Um...yeah, we didnt end up finishing it.Guess it wasnt the same without you there.”You muttered, your fingers trailing back down to his palm.

He hummed, taking in a deep breath when he realised you could hear his heartbeat increasing from the monitor. “I knew you wouldnt finish it.Between you and Kelce screaming and….and Rafe being an impatient slut.”Topper smiled, opening his eyes ever so slightly to catch a glimpse of Rafe’s reaction.

 “Hmm...you’re lucky your arms already broken, pussy.”Rafe smiled, becoming less tense when you rolled your eyes. “DOnt be fucking rude.”You whispered with a small smile. “You know what...its the quoting the Kardashians daily for me.”Topper bit his lip as he waited for you to respond. “Its...the breaking my flower pot for me.”You replied, tapping your fingers against his palm.You grinned,recalling the memory.

You and Kelce had spent the morning together after a sleepover.You had scrolled through your pinterest feed as usual, coming across a ton of diy plant pots and decided to just go for it.You told Kelce about your idea as you two sat down for breakfast, both of you half asleep as you drank coffee. “Yeah, okay.”he agreed, putting on his shoes once he had finished his eggs.

 “So how many pots should we get?”He asked as you buckled your seatbelt.You shrugged, not really having a proper answer as he began to drive to Walmart, cursing when he couldnt find a parking spot.Once he did he waited for you to go back to your pinterest boards and figure out exactly what type of paint you would need for the project.

It was far too early for the store to be busy, holding on to Kelce’s back as he grabbed a cart. “What isle?”He asked, stopping to grab a bag of cheetos. “Uhhh….I dont know.Hold on.”You pulled out your phone, holding onto him with one arm and resting the phone on top of his head.

 “Thirteen.”You replied, squealing and holding on for dear life as he began running through the store, coming to a halt when he reached the isle.You hopped off of his back, grabbing some small pots and some medium pots and putting them into the cart carefully. 

“Can I paint spongebob on mine?”He asked, his eyes glancing through the paint colors on the hunt for a bright yellow. “I dont care, paint whatever you want.”You replied, grabbing the primary colors and tossing them into the cart.Kelce being Kelce had freaked when he saw the variety of stickers, buying at least thirty dollars worth of puppy stickers, marvel stickers, car stickers and shiny spikes. 

“No weeds are gonna mess with this plant when im done with it.”He said proudly as he grabbed every single strip of spike stickers.You had rolled your eyes, picking out some pearl like stickers and tossing them in the cart.Kelce smiled, getting an idea.

He moved all of the items to the opposite side of the cart to leave an empty space, picking you up quickly and putting you inside. “Kelce-seriously?”You sighed, holding on to the side as he pushed the cart quickly, swerving it against the tile on his way to the plant isle. 

“Yep, its easier this way.”He replied, stopping the cart once you guys got to the other side of the store. “Ooh….can we grow sunflowers?”He asked, tossing the bag of seeds into the cart before you could answer. “Get lavender too.”You replied, taking out your phone to play subway surfers.

Kelce huffed, arms wrapping around your shoulders and placing a kiss on the top of your head as he watched you play. “Whats your high score?”He asked, playing with the baby hairs that had fallen out of your braids. 

“I dunno, higher than yours.”You grinned, hearing him gasp. “Fucking rude.”He muttered, flicking your temple. “Fuck you.”You replied, avoiding a train. “Fuck you!”He exclaimed driving the cart to check out.He grabbed a few packs of gum as well, scanning the items at the self checkout.

You two then spent the whole afternoon painting pots and covering them in an obnoxious amount of stickers.The small one that Kelce had done all by himself was covered with spike stickers that kept falling off. “It wont stay stuck!”He exclaimed, becoming frustrated.

 “Kelce, babe, its cause you’ve got paint on the sticky part.”You sighed, grabbing a paper towel and putting it under the water to wipe off the yellow paint from the pot.He was a pouting mess for the rest of the afternoon but was happy with the outcome of the pot, taking a photo of it to post on his snapchat story. “How did you do that?”He asked, pointing to the pastel rainbow pot you had painted.You shrugged, just going off of what you saw in the video.You two had decided to just go sit on the couch and watch some cartoons while you waited for Rafe and Topper, leaving the pots to dry on the table.

Once Topper had gotten there he had given you a quick greeting and went into the kitchen to get something to drink, accidentally elbowing one of the pots in the process and sending it to the floor, the clay colliding with your tile floor. “TOPPER!WHAT THE FUCK?!”You exclaimed, rushing into the kitchen.

“Its the stealing my hoodies from me and then pretending you didnt for me.”He replied.Your heart dropped as you realized you were wearing his hoodie right now, beginning to freak out when you realised you werent even wearing pants.

 “Shut up.”You replied, squeezing his hand lightly.Kelce came through the door a few seconds later, sighing loudly. “These people are ridiculous-I had to convince them that I was Top’s adopted brother.Did you have to do that?”He asked Rafe, going to stand at the end of the bed.

 “Nope.”Rafe replied.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, staring at Topper. “Concussion?”He asked, noticing the bandage that was peaking out from Topper’s forehead.You nodded, looking between the two boys. “How you feeling?”Kelce asked.Topper grinned, peaking one eye open. 

“Like shit.”Topper replied, a small smile on his face. “How long am I gonna be stuck here?”Topper asked, finally acknowledging the fact that he was in a hospital.Rafe shook his head, looking over to Kelce as if he knew anything about the situation that you and Rafe didnt.

Kelce shrugged, not knowing either. “I mean, with that kind of injury one could only assume a good two weeks or so.You wont be able to drive- (Y/N)- how did you get here?”Kelce asked, realising.You had texted them from the hospital which meant that Rafe hadnt driven you.

You went quiet, feeling their eyes on you. “Uhhh….I drove.”You replied, hoping they wouldnt push further.Topper opened both of his eyes this time, wanting to make sure he had understood properly. “What?”Topper asked, cringing at the lisp he now had.

He shouldve known his voice would sound different.He had literally bit off part of his tongue. “I drove.”You repeated, feeling a bit insecure.Rafe just looked confused, Kelce was shocked and Topper just couldnt believe it.

 “How’d it go?”Topper asked, wanting to sit up when he realised that he couldnt really move that much.You shrugged, trying to figure out why the attention was on you when Topper had literally almost died.

 “I dont really know, kinda just did it.I dont really remember it either.”You replied, feeling Rafe’s hand drift onto your knee, tapping your knee cap.He had been doing it for years.He was awkward most of the time and didnt know what to do if his hand was empty, usually going to hold yours or just touch you in some way to feel more grounded.

 “Why dont you remember it?”Topper asked, unable to grasp the whole situation.Thank god he didnt know that the nurse had told you about his ‘last words’.He wouldve had a heart attack on spot. “I was in shock, dum dum.I was just-just trying to make breakfast and then the fucking hospital calls me and tells me that you drove into a river.”You laughed, a few tears rolling down your face.

Toppers heart beat quickened,squeezing your hand tight. “I said I was sorry...did you at least drink water this morning?”He asked, wishing he could hug you.You laughed, wiping your face. “No, no I didnt cause I thought you were gonna die!”You replied, sniffling.

 “For the love of life, Topper.Keep up.”You let out a shaky breath. “Im trying my best, sunshine.”He answered, not paying attention to Rafe or Kelce.It felt like you were the only one who was actually in the room with him.

 “I mean, I guess its just karma.Have any of us ever left during a movie night?All im saying is I think its like a curse or something.”Topper answered, trying his best to get you to stop crying.Kelce couldnt even think of something to say, the situation was overpowering him.

You just sighed,leaning your forehead against the mattress, staring down at the floor. “Why’d you leave?”You asked, still not understanding the full situation that lead to Topper leaving your house.Rafe shifted in his seat, squeezing your knee, almost trying to tell you not to bring it up again.

 “Just...wanted to go home.”He mumbled, knowing better than to bring up the argument that he no longer cared about.He couldve laughed at it.As jealous as he was as Rafe even he could admit that the son of a bitch cared about you more than anyone and to accuse him of not caring about you was the stupidest thing he had ever said.And that was saying a lot.

SOmetimes he was close to positive that Rafe didnt care about him or Kelce but there was never a single doubt in his mind that Rafe didnt love you.Now he kind of wish that he had died since it would leave you with Rafe and Kelce.

They were both better friends than he could ever be no matter how hard he tried.It wouldve been better for the whole friend group if he had stayed dead. “You have a concussion, bubs.Nothing you say is relevant for the next two weeks.”You joked, feeling the tears roll down your face and onto your collarbones, not even bothering to wipe them away anymore.

 “You have a single brain cell, (Y/N).Nothing you say is relevant.”He replied, laughing a bit.It didnt do much but hurt his head and make his tongue sting. “See?That’s not relevant.”You replied, lifting your head up from the mattress and kissing the back of his hand lightly.

Rafe smiled slightly, glad to see that you were a bit better and that Topper hadnt yelled at him to get out. “You know what?I just think I should say something really important.”Topper announced, thinking that he sounded louder than he actually did.Rafe squeezed your knee tightly, worried that Topper would tell you what he knew and that Kelce would freak out about it.

 “I dont think im allowed to watch tv with a concussion-fuck.”Topper grumbled, hearing Rafe let out a sigh of relief.He noticed Kelce still standing, getting up and asking you quietly if you two could share your seat.

You huffed, standing up and allowing him to sit in your chair, sitting on his lap, feeling self conscious when Toppers hoodie lifted to reveal half your thigh. “I mean, you could always do other things to pass the time.”Kelce replied, sitting down in the chair.

 “Hmm...like what?”Topper asked.Thank god Kelce was an optimist, the rest of you would be absolutely fucked without him. “Like….coloring, reading or….I dont know, thinking.”Kelce suggested, going quiet soon after. “Read what?”Topper asked.

He had never liked reading.Back when you guys were still in school he would refuse to read anything, tossing his homework down as you and Kelce tried to do yours.You usually had to harass Rafe for hours to do his work when all he could focus on was you.He would purposely annoy you just so you’d talk more and get all mad.

Between him and Topper you never got your work done, having to read to Topper so he would get some of his work done. “I could read you the Harry Potter books, ive got them downloaded to my phone.”You replied, a small grin on your face.

Toppers face became red, wanting to protest but deciding that he’d rather have you read to him than continue with the upsetting conversations. “Yeah, okay.”He answered, closing his eyes as you began to read.Kelce was smiling as you read, making comments every once in a while. 

“Wow, what a bitch.”He muttered about Vernon.Rafe squeezed your waist, resting his head against your back.It was some time in the afternoon when the nurse came in to check Toppers IV and give him some more medication. “Theres food available in the cafeteria, a warm soup or something soft would be best for your friend here.”She gestured towards Topper before leaving.

She had given you all a weird look, trying to figure out why a patient’s girlfriend was sitting on the lap of his assumed brother.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, hearing his stomach rumbling. “Alright, well im going to the cafeteria. (Y/N), can you come with me please?”He asked.

You sighed, shaking your head. “Im not wearing pants.”You answered. “Can you stand up for a minute?”Rafe asked.You huffed, getting off of his lap, eyes widening when he pulled off his shorts and handed them right over to you.

Kelce wasnt even surprised, just hungry.You awkwardly pulled up the shorts, tying them tight around your waist and following Kelce into the elevator.Everything was going smoothly until it came to a stop. “What the hell?”Kelce asked, hitting a ton of buttons at once. “Kelce!Stop that!”You smacked his wrist, screaming when the elevator moved slightly, coming to a stop again. 

“What should I do?Im pressing the red button!”He exclaimed as he pressed it again. “I dont know!Press it again!”You exclaimed, clinging onto his arm. “Oh my fuck-shit dammit!Now we’re gonna die!”You exclaimed. 

“We’re already in a hospital, we’ll be fine.”He answered, pressing the button again. “Kelce!It’s gonna fall!”You exclaimed, holding onto him so tight you were starting to shake. “No its not, its fine.Just wait for someone to come fix it.”He spoke, pulling you onto the floor so you were sitting against him. “It’ll be fine, just wait.”He repeated.

“Im sorry, man.”Topper sighed, looking over to Rafe.THe brunette simply shrugged, not really bothered by it anymore. “Apology accepted.”Rafe replied.Topper let out a sigh of relief, glad that the tension wasnt as strong.

 “But like, can you be honest real quick?”Topper asked, waiting for Rafe to answer. “Yeah, yeah okay.”Rafe replied, dreading what Topper would ask. “Did you guys do anything?”He asked.Rafe frowned, not knowing what to say.

He didnt want to tell Topper something that you werent okay with him knowing but at the same time didnt want to lie. “Yeah, yeah we did.”Rafe replied, holding his breath.Topper simply hummed, letting out a breath through his nose. 

“Were you careful?You know she doesnt….hasnt done those types of things.You didnt hurt her though, right?”Topper asked.Rafe was a bit confused, thinking that Topper would get all jealous and grumpy. “Yeah, yeah I was….she was fine, like she said she was fine and I told her she could….ya know, stop me.She didnt though, I was careful.”Rafe’s cheeks were red, trying not to go into too much depth.

Topper nodded a bit, sighing. “Thats good...so like, are you guys dating now or whatever?”Topper asked, trying to ignore the pit in his stomach.Rafe gulped, not really knowing the answer himself. “I dont know….its all complicated I guess.”He replied, feeling guilty now that he was actually talking about it.

 “Okay...hey, do you think she knows?”Topper asked, hoping you wouldnt walk in at the wrong time.Rafe laughed at the comment. “Damn, man.I dont even know.Like, she obviously knows I do.Ive made it pretty obvious but like...you’ve made it pretty obvious too at this point I think.I feel like she doesnt think anyone would like her like that no matter how obvious we make it.I dont know, I feel like right now wouldnt be a good time to talk to her about this though, lets just not say anything to her.”Rafe muttered, realising he had promised you that he wouldnt tell anyone what you two had done last night

. “Hmm...you know whats fucked?”Topper asked, blinking slowly.Rafe hummed, waiting for him to continue. “I lost my two year streak with her.And you.”The blonde smiled, wiggling his toes carefully.Rafe laughed, pinching his nostrils. “Yeah, thats fucked.”He agreed.

“Nobody’s coming.”You huffed, holding on to Kelce’s hand as you leaned against the elevator wall. “You dont know that.”He replied, not sounding genuine at all. “I dont know….do you wanna talk about something?”You asked, thinking of ways to pass time while you guys were trapped.

He sighed, nodding. “What do you wanna talk about?”He asked, flicking at your fingertips. “I dont know...how are your cousins?”You asked, realising that that’s where he had come from.He chuckled, shaking his head.

 “Alec would not stop complaining about sushi, I guess her favorite restaurant closed and now shes all pissy about it.Shes really fucking tall now.”He sighed, kind of glad that he was able to leave the house.You nodded, trying to think of something else to say.

Alec was his 17 year old cousin, she was nice sometimes but she could also be a lot to handle from what you had heard.She was pretty cool though, always commenting on your instagram posts and hyping you up.It kind of gave Rafe a little competition since she always commented before him.

 “What about Jax?Is he still an ass?”You asked.You had met Jax a total of two times, both times he had called you hot and stared at you.He was 17 so it was kind of weird of him but you hadnt had to deal with him in a good six months.

Kelce shrugged, not having much to say. “Yeah, I dont think hes ever gonna change.He tried to download porn to my phone.”Kelce replied, biting the inside of his cheek. “Hey, is it true that Rafe kissed you?I mean, he told me but I figured he probably just dreamt it.”fuck.

Now everything was coming unraveled and you’d have to figure out how you wouldnt hurt anyone. “Uh...yeah, he did.”You answered, biting your bottom lip.He was silent.That was scary if something was so shocking that Kelce had nothing to say.

 “Alright...so how do you feel about it?”He asked, keeping his voice calm and steady.He was tired of not knowing what was going on, not understanding the new tension between you and Rafe.There had always been something there but recently it seemed to get a lot more serious.

But then again he had noticed the way you held Topper, how you’d sigh whenever the blonde kissed your forehead or when he’d hug you.He didnt really want to say anything, figuring that when you wanted to date one of them you would.

Now he sounded exactly like Topper, you were pretty sure those were the exact words that he had said to you. “Um….yeah, I dont really know.I guess that like im not mad about it but I just...I dont know how to feel.”You answered, knowing that it sounded stupid.

Kelce nodded, understanding. “So do you like Rafe?LIke, you know.”He asked, pulling at the sleeve of the hoodie out of boredom.You shrugged, not knowing the answer. “(Y/N), come on now.I see the way you look at him...its a little bit of something.”He pushed.

You knew he was right but you’d rather die than admit it. “I dont know, Kelce.Its just weird, I guess.Like we’ve been friends for like...eight years and now all this shit is happening.”You answered.

He nodded, trying to think of the best advice to give you. “Alright, well life is too short for shit.If you like Rafe then I think you should go for it.All that matters is that you’re happy and if he makes you happy then you should be with him.”Kelce squeezed your hand, waiting for you to speak.

Of course Kelce would say that.That was the most Kelce thing you had ever heard him say. “Yeah, but I dont think I want to be with him.”You muttered, not knowing how to explain what you were feeling.Kelce was confused, trying his best not to show it.

 “Okay….but why?Do you like someone else at the same time?”He asked, trying to piece everything together.The elevator began to move again, scaring you both. “Shit.”You sighed, holding on to his arm as he helped you up. 

“We’ll talk about this later.”It sounded like more of a question.He had never been great at being assertive.A few staff members apologized, explaining that a patient had went roaming around and they had to stop the elevators to prevent them from leaving the hospital.

Kelce held onto your hand tight as you made your way to the cafeteria.None of the food looked particularly appetizing, eventually deciding on a small container of mac and cheese for yourself, a turkey sandwich for Rafe and finding a sealed bowl of potato soup for Topper.

Kelce had grabbed a few sodas and a gatorade for Topper, reuniting with you as you both went to the line, paying for the food.You two had decided on just taking the elevator again, figuring it would be difficult to walk up the stairs with so much to carry.

Luckily it didnt come to a stop this time, the two of you completing the trip successfully and walking back into the hospital room.Rafe and Topper were laughing about something, Rafe sitting in his boxers.It was quite funny.You all ate in a pretty much silence, having to help Topper elevate the upper half of his bed so he could eat properly. 

“I hate hospital food.”Rafe sighed, biting into his sandwich while keeping you balanced on his left thigh.He tried to ignore all of the thoughts he was getting, figuring that the lack of caffeine in his system was making him horny.

That first night in the hospital had been the hardest.You were the only one who was allowed to stay while Kelce and Rafe had to go home.You had given Rafe his sweatpants back.

He decided that he needed to talk to you, taking your hand and getting far away from the room where the trauma patients were seperated from the elderly. “How are you?”He asked.You kind of wanted to punch him.What the hell kind of question was that?

 “I just...im fine.”You forced yourself to grin, not wanting to be rude.He licked his lips, looking around. “Thats...not what I meant.”His face flushed a bit, his ears pink. “oh-oh....um, yeah im fine.”You repeated.He hummed, hands ending up in the pockets of your hoodie.

 “Thats good....im sorry that I went so fast, I know you wanted me to be gentle.”He apologized, kissing your forehead. “Its fine, Rafe.”You answered, hugging him.He huffed, accepting the hug. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I can stop by your house and grab you some clothes.”He offered, staring down at you.You nodded, accepting the offer.He leaned down, kissing you gently, feeling himself get weak.

You pulled away after a moment, kissing the tip of his nose before standing on your tiptoes to kiss his forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”You grinned, kissing him gently. “Alright, text me the clothes that you want...do you want one of my shirts?”he asked, smiling when you nodded. “Alright....okay, tomorrow.”He repeated, finally letting go of you.

You ended up staying up for a majority of the night, holding Topper’s hand as you read to him, switching from Harry Potter to short stories.He had moved over in his bed ever so slightly, groaning in pain, staring at the small empty space he had made.

You took the message, hesitantly laying next to him, becoming stiff when he wrapped his good arm around you and let you rest your head on his shoulder. “You’re cold.”He mumbled, holding you tighter.

The nurse came in to wake him up every hour and a half since sleep was bad for concussions.You barely got any sleep, more focused on listening to make sure his heartbeat was steady.

Rafe and Kelce came at seven in the morning with coffee and donuts, a container of chocolate flavored yogurt for Topper.Rafe had stuffed one of your backpacks full of clothes, grabbing whatever he thought would bring you comfort.

He had grabbed you a new shirt from his closet, a mint blue and purple striped polo that was pretty long on him which meant it would fit you like a baggy dress, spraying it with his cologne.

He grabbed your facewash for you, a hairbrush, some hair ties, some socks, soft pants and some loose fitting shirts.He felt a little guilty for looking through your bras and underwear but he knew he couldnt just not bring you some, grabbing a few random ones and stuffing them in the bag.

He grabbed your polaroid camera and a few of your photos, thinking that you might show them to Topper.You were glad to be able to change into some pants, thanking him quietly and slipping in the bathroom to change, sighing when you noticed how wattery and irritated your eyes looked, changing into the shirt that you had seen Rafe wear a couple of times, sniffing it and feeling a calm sensation run through your body.

You sat at the foot of the bed, pulling your knees to your chest as you drank your coffee, taking long, slow blinks.That had been your first day without sleep.It wasnt until the third day that Kelce and Rafe were becoming really concerned.

It had began to rain outside, Kelce and Rafe were trying to convince you to leave and go home. “No.”You answered, sitting in one of the chairs.Topper was asleep.“No-no, you.We’re going home- dont give me that look.You can come back tomorrow but tonight you’re going to sleep in your bed, okay?”Kelce asked, not really giving you any options, picking up your bag.

 “No.”You repeated, wanting to scream when he grabbed your arm, bringing you outside the room. “(Y/N), you havent slept in days.Just come home.”Rafe tried to convince you, going on to explain that you could ride with him or Kelce and then tomorrow the three of you would go into Rafe’s truck and Kelce could drive your car back to your house so you didnt have to worry about it.

You agreed eventually, going back into the room to say bye to Topper, kissing his cheek. “Hey, dont worry about me.Got it?If I find out you were worrying about me im gonna break all your flower pots.”He threatened, a small grin on his face.

You had decided to drive with Kelce, holding his hand as he drove on the wet roads.He was careful to drive slowly so he wouldnt freak you out, informing you that Rafe was going to go stop at a Papa Ginos to grab you guys dinner.

Your house felt foreign to you, the couch not comfy anymore.Kelce frowned, noticing your discomfort. The anxiety felt like it was eating away at your brain.Kelce tried to think of a way to help, the thoughts not coming so easy to him anymore.

The stress was building up inside of him, the stress from dealing with everyone elses problems combining with his own. “Come on.”He grabbed your hand, bringing you upstairs.

Your legs were tired from being held to your chest or bent at uncomfortable angles so you could lay in the hospital bed.He opened the door to your bedroom. “Lay down.”He told you, hoping his voice hadnt come across as creepy.

You raised your eyebrows, not understanding why he was telling you to do this but going along with it anyways.He got onto the bed next to you, wrapping an arm around your toso, one of his legs resting across your thighs with his head directly under your chin.

 “What are you doing?”You asked.You couldnt deny it, it was quite a comfortable position. “Im trying to help.I saw this thing on Tik Tok the other day that if you lay on someone its like a weighted blanket and helps with stress.”He explained, pulling your comforter up over your bodies.

It only took you a matter of seconds to fall asleep, Kelce grinning.The feeling of cuddling someone helped him too, a small sigh escaping his lips as he closed his eyes as well, falling asleep before Rafe pulled into your driveway with a pizza in the backseat.

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Tis the Damn Season

Chapter 6- Last Christmas

Hi all! Sorry she took forever- I edited all by myself, so be gentle!

Plans change. Tickets do too, it seems. Harry's beautiful hope, his gift, it came in handy.

Not in the right way, the intended way. Not because she came to him, ran around the world or even an unfamiliar city with him. Those were dreamy ideas, when she wound up spending all of fall semester in Holmes Chapel. Those daydreams shaded the hospital walls and funeral home with sunny possibilities.

Her father had a heart attack and her mother a breakdown. It was too late, when her mother noticed he'd been out with the dog for too long and the dog was inside whining.

"I knew, in my gut. Day dawned wrong. And then never ended." She'd cried. Her mother had cried in her arms in a reversal Emma felt was way beyond her maturity level.

That hadnt been over the phone. Over the phone had only been muffled sobbing and her dad's name, "John."

Emma didn't call him John, but she could forgive her mother. It was up to her mother's good friend Di to share the news: Emma had always looked up to Di, she'd had some tragic marriage in her youth, and then decided god damned men weren't for her.

At the moment, Emma was of a similar mind.

Emma assumed she'd have a similar life to Di, had planned for it actually. Di had her own house, a thriving career as a solicitor and no children. A life like that, of her own, was Emma's dearest wish before she wished to be able to say yes to Harry.

Now she just wished her dad was still around.

There were so many plans to make, a funeral to finance and a mother to support, to put back together.

It's a wonder Emma wasn't an outright romantic, the way her parents had been, lifelong sweethearts. They still had moon eyes for each other until the very end, could be found holding hands on the couch often. Emma had come home unexpectedly early last year and found her mother sitting on the kitchen counter with her father between her legs making out like teenagers.

It was a lot to live up to.

Emma supposed it was why she kept all her heart eyes and love life in the closet and saved it all up to spend once a year. Just like an old lady's Christmas budget.

This year, she didn't think it would be happening. Harry must have had some rich person thing going on with the ticket, because the minute she decided that rather than ask her mom to buy her a ticket to get home, for the funeral, instead use the one she  had from Harry, he'd called. There was clear excitement in his voice, hot on the heels of her phone call to the airlines. It was August. He was set to embark soon, she'd just got back to Amsterdam. He must have thought she was gonna sneak in a cheeky visit.

"You're coming?"

"What?" She was so disoriented. Coming where? What was going on? Her brain was muffled with plans her feelings kept stumbling over at the knees like a trip wire.

"To see me? I got a notification you used the ticket?"

Her brain was muddled, like an egg in a hot pan, what? How did he do that? "No, Harry, umm I'm not coming. I don't even know where you are right now." She barely knew where she was.

"Whose fault is that?" There was a tiny edge to his voice that would cut her if she could even notice. "You could have answered my calls."

"Harry," she sighed, she had been avoiding him a bit. Mostly because she had an evergreen memory of his disappointed face when she told him going on tour was too much, that she simply didn't have the time. She was glad she couldn't see his face when she said the next bit. His voice was buoyant with hope, she was about to pop that balloon. "I need the ticket to go somewhere else." She couldn't bear to say it, was biting her lip hard not to think it, the liquid memory brimming anyway.

"Yeah, ok. Well, Happy Christmas I guess. See you in four months, maybe." The bitterness in his voice was like an old lemon and she didn't even have time to sweeten it with truth when his phone clicked off.

That made her resentful. How could this truth be sweet in any way? It got worse over time, the resentment just nestled among her other griefs.

Then he wouldn't answer her calls. She supposed that was giving her a taste of her own medicine and it was a quick wash down her throat with no water after the other jagged pill life had just forced down her throat.

And it didn't get better. Though, she had to scoff at herself for even having a square of heart for Harry to break leftover.

Break it did though, when she heard he had a new girlfriend, a blonde, a model, a French blonde model.

Of course.

Emma couldn't help but stalk her instagram. His was useless, ill used, so when she'd finished a day of running the house she'd been a child in while taking care of her grieving mother, she'd torture herself some more and watch stories where the beautiful blonde played in a pool, or made jokes, or showed the big mirror over her bed.

That one hurt most. She'd never seen Harry's bed, nor he hers. The little devil voice inside her head whisper shouted that he much preferred the one he was in now, with the mirror and the model to the tiny inn room they'd spent all their overnights in.

She didn't hear from him, and she never called to explain herself either. What would she say? My life fell apart and I needed your ticket, but it hurt to much to say it out loud and you were to much of an asshole to let me say it.

Harry wasn't an asshole, not really, he was hurt. Emma was stunned she had that power, though she had admitted to herself there was more between them than mistletoe kisses and holiday fucks.

She'd admitted it was more to her.

He acted like it was more to him, unless this was just a bruised ego. She didn't like to think that. Harry had every reason to have a giant head, figuratively to go with the oversized cranium he actually sported, but he'd never shown it. He was cocky at times, just enough to be sexy. All of that was a veneer over a sweet vulnerability that made everybody want to be around him, protect him, love him.

Did she love him?

No, she didn't think so, but given more time, the potential was there, like a rock at the top of a hill, all it would take was a push.

Which, time on tour with him would have been. If she could have went. Which she couldn't. She wanted to explain all of this to him as soon as she has the chance- which she would in 6 hours.

Her promises to herself were that she would not cry and that she would accept his new relationship. His real relationship. Emma would not try to touch him, or kiss him, or confess her almost love to him.

He was probably in love himself, from her internet stalks, she was halfway there, with both of them. Harry edged it out by being perfect in person. Camille, that was frenchies name, could only be half as perfect as Emma made her in her head.

"Do I wear the sweater?" She asked her reflection. She'd had to become her best friend the last six months. Emma might have called her mom her best friend, just based on time spent together, if their relationship was reciprocal, but at this turn of the road, she was supporting her mom as she grieved and got back to herself. Emma could see glimmers. She had hope.

She however wasn't sure she had hope for herself. Was she really contemplating wearing the sweater Harry gave her last Christmas to his mother's Christmas party? How pathetic was that? She was rolling her eyes at herself. He'd had a big year, and he bought lots of gifts, probably for his new girl, so her thinking he'd remember felt narcissistic.

Plus, it was her favorite, which mostly had nothing to do with the fact it was from Harry.

Emma really didn't want to go, but Gemma was expecting her. And she really needed to see her, have her support. They'd been texting, a lot. Gemma had heard about her dad and reached out. It was the only emotionally connection Emma really had, those texts, and she needed to see Gemma, honestly. Even if it meant seeing Harry.

She might have wanted to see Harry.

To explain, and maybe just to see him. Make sure he was happy, feel his warmth, steal him back.

No, that was unlikely. See if he was happy and wish him well.

She wore the sweater.

The house was cozy when she arrived, like it always was and it thawed her heart enough for it to ache a bit. For something new. Her heart ached a fair bit off and on, then went numb. It was the only way she'd survived lately. Emma knew she was putting off really feeling her major loss.

It was a strange pleasure to mourn something as minor as heartbreak.

The hug from Gemma made the trip through the snow and down memory lane worth it. And the people all around her and their laughter were invigorating.

The alcohol helped as well. Their house was pretty dry but had been especially when she started to notice her mom was unconsciously developing a bottle a day habit. When it wasn't there she didn't mention it though, so Emma didn't buy it, except for special occasions.

She was merry, and felt held. Her hand was in Gemma's. She'd stayed away from the back bathroom and the kitchen, even come in the front door.

Emma felt like she was getting away with it.

Harry wasn't there, with girlfriend in tow or not. So all her pontificating about checking on him was all for naught, and she was getting all the crosses. She certainly felt like today was a plus.

Until she heard a tone of elation issue from Anne's happy voice that only motherly joy could produce.

Harry was here.

"Fuck!" Came out of her mouth, and Gemma looked at her sharply.

"What?"

"Nothing, guess I'm jumpy, your mum's shout made me spill." Emma thought she shouted an excuse me while she hurried up the stairs to hide, find a place farthest away from Harry and his happiness. He might be alone, but if he was glowing like a brand, the way he did when they holed up together only slightly dimmed by their parting, now because of it, from some other lover, Emma couldn't stand it.

Plus, she thought she'd heard another name connected to his over her own rated r exclamation.

She was coming out of the bathroom. Emma had suppressed her tears ruthlessly and her bottom lip might bruise from the brutal teeth marks she employed. She'd have given herself some words in the mirror, affirmations helped, but what was she gonna say. "You're happy for him."

She wasn't. She was happy with him.

"Fuck this." Emma decided the only course of action was a straight line to her parents house. her mother's house, she mentally corrected and gave herself a more legitimate reason to cry than over a boy. Even if that boy was Harry Styles.

Who she barely stopped herself from running into as she kept her head down and rounded the bannister to head down the stairs.

"Jesus! You gave me a fright!" She dramatized and kept a hand over her heart and her tear stained face down.

"Emma." His voice was flat, and not cold, but the warmth that snuggled around her name was absent and she shivered. "I wondered if you'd be here." Not Hoped, she noted. "What are you doing up here? Don't your usually use the back bathroom?" There was just a bit of heat in that statement, but it didn't warm, it burned. Was he being mean, that wasn't like him? "Nice sweater." Ok, definitely mean.

Her face came up with that thought, it shocked her out of the sense of control she was exercising.

He did look hard, mean, for a moment, but soft around the edges like a melting popsicle when he caught her face.

"Are you crying?" His hand came up and he stopped it mid air before it wiped away her tear.

Emma felt her body lean into him and another tear slipped out when his warm palm and always chilly finger tips touched her cheek.

God she'd missed him! While she was bolstering her mother, she'd needed support. He was supportive, or would have been. But he wasn't taking her calls, and she couldn't bring herself to text, "my dad died". Then, it was such old news, she figured he'd have heard from Gemma.

He took his hand away like she was a hot cooktop.

He pushed his hair back off his forehead with the hand probably damp with her tears and bravely changed the subject. "How long you in town for this time? Jetting off to some climate refuge hotspot soon?"

Emma flinched. Oh- he didn't know.

"Un, no, I'm living here." She didn't elaborate, maybe saying it out loud was as hard as texting it. "I was actually just about to head home to check on my mum. The back bathroom was in use, and the cold makes me need to pee." What the fuck was she talking about, he didn't need that information.

His dimple pressed in just a bit and he went to say something, but Emma just couldn't. She couldn't look at him anymore, or tell him about why she lived there, or about the ticket he seemed to have been hurt enough to move on over. She definitely didn't want to see evidence of his movement, especially not his upgrade. "Anyway, nice to see you," the words shot out of her mouth, impresonal and true. "Bye Harry."

"Wait Emma!" She thought she heard, but she just kept going. She'd tell Gemma she was sick.

She nearly was when she saw Harry's girlfriend hugging her closest friend in the living room.

"Oh god."

Luckily, when she got home, her mum was awake and feeling chatty, not blue. Emma focused on her and the special she was watching. Let the warm sound of her mother's once common laughter wrap around her as a blanket. It was more comforting than a cup of tea.

She waited until later to cry herself to sleep.

The next day was Christmas- the first without her father. She dried her rightful tears before she saw her mom, though she would have had all the standing in the world for them and she felt better about them than those she's shed the night before. She knew though that her wet face would cause a cascade event, the first drop in a waterfall, so she dried them up.

They had traditions to get through.

And get through they did. They each wrapped a gift for her father that they left under the tree and held each other right before tucking into a late brunch and preparing a boozy and sweet laden Christmas dinner, Emma contributed the puddings.

They were very much her mother's favorite, and she broke out a scandi recipe she'd enjoyed the last several years.

She Skyped her university friends, they exchanged the small gifts she'd mailed them and them her. She missed them something awful. She missed school horribly, so much she even emailed her advisor. All of her heart hoped to return after the winter break.

Emma thought the feeling of missing something was a bit like a paper cut and losing your keys combined.

Harry called late Christmas Day, just a few minutes shy of Boxing Day. That more than stung, it was a gut punch, or a knife plunge, though she'd never had either.

Emma ignored the call from Harry. What was there to say?

Boxing Day, well, Emma wasn't much of a drinker, but it was basically a tenet of British culture to get obliterated while watching the queen.

For the last several years, Emma had been off her face on Harry. This year she chose savingnon blanc with her mum. Two days, then they'd go back to a dry house. Tradition was tradition, and she couldn't think about the one she'd started and ached all over for.

What a pale imitation of ecstasy drunkenness was, though she supposed they both left a hangover, a residue.

Her bed, when she begged off to it early was warm and fragrant, but it smelled all wrong. No sandalwood or black coffee, not even the mint she'd come to associated with the comfort of love, or something like it.

It was worse, because when she closed her eyes, having seen Harry's someone in person, she could see him snugged up to her, so cozy. It was in their place, their room at the Boat's Head.

It was over, Boxing Day, when she puked.

She had another missed call from Harry. 11:59 Her personal witching hour.

The next day was a little bit better, either because she had her literal hangover to tend, or because she'd ripped the bandaid off her hurt and let the wound air.

"Hiya!" Gemma's voice and face were bright, unlike the gray day.

"Hello." Emma smiled and her voice held it, she held onto it. "You're merry!"

"Yeah, I'm at the pub. Everybody is at the pub," she flashed the phone around so Emma could see the waving swaying people, "we wanted to get you outta the house, you made such an effective Irish exit the other day you've let your people down, we need to see your smile. You feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you." Emma thought about it, there was a pull to the pub. "Um, maybe I can swing over."

It only took a few minutes to throw on jeans and a jumper, not her former favorite. The walk was a little longer.

When she found them, her first comment was "Im not drinking!" Over a grimace.

"Too much wine with old Elizabeth, huh? " Gemma Laughed

"Yes! Did you know my mum has a long pour?" Emma shared with a laugh.

"No, but mine's gotten more heavy on the booze with me lately, they must like the new stages. Daughters as actual friends and drinking partners. Mum is thrilled!" Gemma grinned.  "So am I! Harry's a little jealous."

Emma tried to catch her grimace before it stomped across her face. Gemma kept talking and she thought she'd got away with it.

"He wants to be one of the girl's! He came down last night and mum, Camille and I were sharing wine and mum was showing her atrocious pictures. You'd think he'd be mad or embarrassed! He was like, 'Where's my glass?'" Gemma was staring at her while she chuckled.

Emma had less success not responding. Her face was a picture she was sure, a jealous one. And then she heard herself asking, "what's she like?" She gulped down the g word she almost voiced. "Camille?"

Gemma made a funny face, then looked at her again. "Um, she's silly and kinda quiet and I think she's worried my mom will care she's posed nude."

She wouldn't. That wasn't Anne's style. And if she did have an issue, she'd never voice it. She was really big on respecting her kids choices. Even some of the stupider ones Harry had made.

Was she ranked among those now?

"Why do you ask?" The gentleness in a Gemma's voice told Emma she knew more than she was saying.

Emma couldn't explain, she was still in such a tender state, like a fissured piece of glass, she knew she couldn't go over it. "I just hope Harry's happy."  It was the only true thing she could say.

And Gemma, bless her just looped her arm through Emma's and said like she was holding a cracked egg. "He is." She left it at that, before she stood, pulling Emma after her. "And we need another drink." Apparently Emma was drinking, she needed it.

They spent another couple hours at the pub and Emma walked home through the soft snow. Her nose was stuffy, and her eyes were leaking, and she was drunk. Least she realized she must be, cuz she was crying. She really hated crying.

She was still weeping under her breath when she got home and found Harry on her doorstoop.

"You're still here?" She boggled. She assumed he'd taken his girlfriend to his big London home Emma had never been to, since she wasn't ever his g word.

"Yeah." He rubbed his hands over his corduroy flares. She'd consider what that might mean, but the pants distracted her. Those were new, must be getting fashion influences from new places, mew people. Those pants were roomy for him. He looked good in them. He looked good, happy.

"Did you need something?" Seeing himwas ripping her guts out and she could barely keep more tears at bay. Her insides were dangerously close to the skin now, tender and exposed. She hoped the distance between them and the weather and, well, maybe his rose colored glasses brought on by loving some other girl, he wouldn't notice her crying.

Over him. At the moment.

"No, I, um," he swallowed. "I thought we might talk." He made those green eyes at her and she hated it. Cuz they were soft and for someone else these days.

"I think we've said it all."

"We haven't said anything, not really, in a year."

"Yeah, well actions over words mate." Good, she was angry. She tried to go around him, into her door. Out of the cold and this situation.

"Emma, wait." He caught her shoulders and her blood froze in her veins but her tears were hot on her cheeks. "I'mso sorry about your dad." He choked up too.

She looked at him and let hurt run down her face, didn't even bother trying to stiffen her upper lip. When he opened his arms, she went to him and cried in a way she really hadn't let herself, into the comfort of his scent, the hurt of his presence.

Emma wasn't sure how long she cried, they wound up siting on the cold stone bench when their knocking knees froze.

"S that why you used the ticket?" He whispered against her hair sometime later.

She nodded. Sniffed up her tears and his pain laced smell.

"Why didn't you call me?"

She shrugged.

"I would have understood. And I would have come, to be with you."

Her tears apparently hadn't run out. She knew that, but she was hurt, by his hurt and his expectation.

She looked up at him. Her lips were so close to his, the outer edge that felt so plush and lovely.

That was a Liberty she didn't have. Maybe never a right she had, like him just expecting her to drop her goals to go to him.

"Where's your girlfriend?" She said the word like the four letters it felt like it was to her.

"Um," he stumbled over the subject change . "She was tired."

"You tell her you were coming to see a girl you used to fuck?"

"What?" He looked at her with a frown and Emma supposed she was being mean, mean but honest. "Don't say it like that. That's not what we were about."

Emma quirked a brow at him. "No?"

"Listen, why are you being like this?" He swallowed and looked like the wronged party when he was the one who assumed the worst of her, then abandoned her, moved on, and showed up, she could only assume, to rub it in her face.

The last year had been the worst of her life, and he'd been part of that. Mostly his absence.

Whoever's fault that was.

"Look, I don't need your pity or your condolences. Or your forgiveness. You just assumed I was taking advantage of you like you didn't know me at all. Which I realized is true apart from knowing what I look like naked, right? Let's be honest Harry? Huh, I'm just the girl you used to fuck over break. Your Christmas bit of fun. Til you found your next model. Who you couldn't wait to come home and show off, right in my face. So if we were more, you're a heartless asshole." She was crying over him now, but half the tears at least were angry and her face must be bright red.

The kicked puppy look on his face was so genuine and felt so false to her she could scream. "Why would I even think you would care if I had a girlfriend or not? If anybody was just the person the other thought of as a holiday fling, it was you about me, Emma."  He huffed, took down the finger he'd stood up to point at her. "I tried for more, asked for more?"

"When?" He'd asked for more, how'd she miss that?

"What'd you think the ticket was for? That was me asking you for more, at least more time?"

"I don't have extra time." She countered. Emma supposed that was some mealy mouthed passive way of saying you wanted to spend time with a person at least.

"And I do?" He yelled that before taking a big breath and muttering sorry. "Listen, I know what you're about, and that you are very serious saving the world, but I'm just as busy as you, more, and I would have made time for you."

"Why?" She stood up into his space. "So I could just miss you more, fall more for you and not get to have you in any real way? To torture myself?" And there is was. Emma knew the ache of the first weeks without him, and she'd always counted their brief time together as worth it. Subjecting herself to more just seemed masochistic. "Have more time with you so I have to get over you all over again multiple times a year."

"Who says you would have had to get over me? We could have been together!" Both of their voices had escalated past the bounds of polite disagreement.

"Together in every way except literally?" She threw her hands out at her sides. "What's the point of that?"

"The point?" He huffed. "The point is that I wanted you and you wanted me, and we could have had each other, but you're too busy," he sneered, "and couldn't talk to me."

"I couldn't talk to anyone!" She screamed. "I was supposed to text you that my dad died and I needed to use the ticket that was supposed to be a gift but was more like a curse, to take care of my mom. That my dream was at best on hold while I made sure my mum could get out of bed?" He looked a little slapped. "While you were off what? Being a rockstar? Having a record breaking year? Moving on? Out of spite?!" She didn't want to think that, but she'd wondered. She knew she was giving herself to much credit. "Why you made sure to bring her to Holmes Chapel? You take her to the Boar's Head too? Or just fuck her in your mum's powder room?" The words were explosive, the cadence like charges lighting off each other. Emma felt like a powder keg.

He was shaking his head. "Stop it. No, no, I didn't move on, not until I thought you were done with me."

"Oh, when I needed you and you wouldn't answer my calls?"

He looked at the ground then. When his eyes came up , the lovely green of them was even more vibrant, due to the tears crowding around their ages. "Emma, I'm so sorry about that. I'll never forgive myself."

His sincerity softened her, though the anger she'd wrapped around herself like a coat was all that was keeping her ribs together.

"I'm so sorry, I know the last year has been more than anybody should have to bear, especially alone." He took  a big breath. "But Camille, I didn't, it's not," he stumbled over the words like they were glass edges, but Emma had a feeling she was the one who was about to get cut. "Um, she and I just met and, well, we, we get on." That was a kind way to put it. "I wasn't looking for somebody else. But I was lonely and she's," the changes on his face ripped through Emma. "She's lovely. I brought her home, because I wanted mum to meet her." That told Emma everything.

"You love her?" She already knew the answer.

He ran his hand through his locks, avoided eye contact until the last second, "yeah, yeah, I think I might."

Emma was nodding, biting her lip to gatekeep the fresh round of tears threatening. "That's good Harry, I'm," she breathed, "I'm happy for you."

He looked at her then. "Really?"

"Course, I care about you, your happiness." That brought on the tears and he reached for her and she had to throw up her hands to keep him away. "No, no, please don't touch me."

His phone rang, he was the only person she knew who actually kept their ringer on. Well the only person under 50, it made her smile. Then cringe, the weird personal knowledge she had because of how much of an almost they were. From his face, Emma knew it was his actual calling.

"Um," he shady buttoned the call. "I have to go."

"Yeah," was all she could respond with, she already knew that. "Well, have a happy nee year Harry. You sticking around?" God she hoped not. May have to convince her mum to go to London if so.

He shook his head, "Um no, we're going to Paris." Ouch. Emma tried for subtle when she wrapped an arm around herself. "Sorry, I'd like," he always looked so genuine lately, in every interview she'd watched to hurt herself, his heart on his sleeve, in his eyes now. "I'd like to hug you, think you could stomach it?"

Emma nodded and went to him for the barest second and then concentrated on the pressure behind her eyes while he kept her close. "I'm so sorry Emma, for everything. I'd really like to be friends," he'd pulled back to hold her eye line at that.

She nodded, she wasn't sure how she'd handle that, but at best it was a couple phone calls, and no weekends away, they hadn't mentioned that in their middle state, she didn't think it would be to hard to keep him at arms length when they had continents between them most times. "Yeah, ok, friends. You take care of yourself, Harry." Emma was a strong girl, woman now, she could handle some texts and a phone call or so.

He kissed her cheek, a continental affectation she closed her eyes over and turned to go. He was almost out of the gate when he turned back. "I'd never take her to the Boar's Head, by the way, that's our place. I'd never take anybody else there." Before she could even think of a response he looked away quick and started to go. "Take care of yourself, Emma. Happy New Year." That came back to her on the wind.

Blew away like the hold she had on the heart she'd given him last Christmas. At least he was someone special.

[shelbyiimited]

Worth It | Thomas Shelby x reader

warnings: daddy issues lol, mentions of substance abuse, alcohol, age gap (legal ofc)

a/n: this may or may not be sumn im actually going thru but as i said before i seek validation through fictional characters especially tommy he’s my comfort character :,)

“Dad’s getting married. Got new kids and everything.”

You paused at your brothers words, not taking your eyes off him.

“Jesus, I pity them really,” You scoffed.

“I wouldn’t,” Your brother stated, wiping his mouth with a napkin, “heard he’s a changed man, treats ‘em all well, sober too.” he added, taking another bite from his plate.

You heart sank at his words. You hadnt talked to or seen your dad in over 6 years, nor did you want to. But for some reason the thought of him having a new family hurt more than it should have.

Growing up, it was only your brother, you, and your father. Your mother had died while giving birth to you. The death of your mother broke him, your own father blamed you for his wife’s death and there was nothing you or your brother, Robert, could do about it.

Years passed and nothing changed. Robert, who is only 4 years your senior, practically had to raise you. Your dad only ever came home to sleep and even that wasn’t promised.

When he wasn’t working, he basically lived in pubs, getting drunk or high off whatever he could lay his hands on.

He spent most of the money he earned working in factories on alcohol, leaving you and Robert with only enough money to pay rent. Your fathers ignorance forced your brother to give up his childhood. Instead of playing with friends, he was running around doing chores trying to earn as much money as possible so he could put food on the table.

Once you turned 14, you started working too. Robert was finally 18 which meant he could get a real job at the factories. It was dangerous work but with a limited education, it was the best he could do.

You and Robert were doing quite well considering your situation. Robert was making enough money so you didn’t have to rely on your dad anymore, though the extra money didn’t hurt. Once you and Robert were somewhat financially stable you started seeing your father less and less. Until one day, when you were 16, you came home from a long day of chores to find a note from your father.

It didn’t say much. Just basically letting you know that he was leaving and he wasn’t coming back and to your surprise, he said he was sorry for how he treated you and that him leaving is the best thing for all of you, you agreed.

Now, you were 22, working as the Thomas Shelby’s secretary and Robert was a Peaky Blinder. Being apart of the gang was probably more dangerous than working in a factory but the pay was good and you and Robert were under the Shelby’s protection. Thomas Shelby was eveb nice enough to offer you a job when you were fired from your last place of employment. You really couldn’t complain.

You and Robert each had your own flats but would meet once a week for dinner, just to catch up and enjoy each other’s company. But unfortunately this weeks dinner was ruined with the news of your fathers engagement.

You took a sip of wine and set your glass down, gathering your plate and silverware, “Hey, i’m gonna go on a walk, I need some fresh air.” You said, getting up from your spot at the table and heading towards the kitchen.

“I’ll come with you.” Robert said, confused at your sudden change of emotions.

“No, i’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Ok, i’ll clean up.” And with that you grabbed your coat and headed out the door.

The air was so cold it took your breath away but you didn’t care. After walking for a few minutes, you paused, deciding that you really need to take in what Robert told you. Tears started rolling down your cheeks once you really thought about it. Your father made your life a living hell, why were you so upset?

Wiping your tears away, you felt around the pockets of you coat, looking for some sort of distraction. You realized you had an extra set of keys to the office, Tommy gave you a set just incase you ever wanted to come in early or stay late.

And with that, you knew where to go next. You figured you would go in an get a head start on tomorrow’s work.

To your surprise, the door was unlocked. You didn’t expect anyone to still be there, the office closed 3 hours ago.

“Who’s there?”

His words broke the eerie silence that fell over the room, it was your boss, Thomas Shelby.

“It’s y/n.” You rubbed your eyes, trying to hide the fact that you’d been crying.

“Y/n?” He came around the corner, leaning his shoulder against the wall, a glass of whiskey in his hand, “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry, I didn’t think anyone was going to be here, I just thought i’d come in and get some of tomorrow’s work done.” You rambled on, feeling small under his gaze.

“Is everything all right?” He walked over to you, noticing your puffy eyes.

“Yeah,” you chuckled, wiping your eyes one more time, “everything’s fine.”

“Follow me.” he turned around and headed towards his office, you not far behind.

“Take a seat.” He pointed to the chairs in front of his desk as he poured a second glass of whiskey, also refilling his own.

He made his way over to you, handing you the drink.

“Thanks.” You smiled.

“Now are you going to tell me what’s really bothering you?” He took a seat in the chair next to you, keep his eyes focused on your movements.

“It’s just my father.” You sighed, taking a sip from your glass.

“I thought he was out of your life?” He raised an eyebrow, still maintaining eye contact.

“He is.”

“But?”

“But, Robert told me he’s getting married, has new kids as well.”

He nodded.

“Apparently he’s sober now too.” You gently whirled your glass, trying to keep distracted with the swirling liquid.

“I don’t know, I guess I don’t have any room to be upset but how could he just move on like that?” You finally made eye contact with the older man in front of you.

“He’s changed and everything which means he’s always had it in him, why couldn’t he change for me and Robert? Huh?” you didn’t even notice the tears streaming down your cheeks this time, you were too angry.

“Were,” your voice broke, “were we not worth it?” You looked back down at your glass, wiping your tears.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overshare.”

“Hey,” you felt his hand gently guide your face, giving you no other choice but to look at him, “don’t apologize.”

You couldn’t hold back your tears anymore, you fell forward into Tommy’s welcoming arms. He ran his hand through your hair as he held you.

“Don’t ever apologize.” Is all he said. He just sat there, holding you, giving you all the time you needed.

After a few minutes, you were ready to let go, the tears finally stopped.

Even though he made it clear he wanted to listen, you still felt humiliated at the fact that you just broke down in your bosses arms. All you wanted to do was go home and sleep.

“Thank you for listening, really.” You quickly stood up from your seat, straightening out your skirt and blouse.

“Can I walk you home?”

“I’d like that.”

You walked home in a comfortable silence, your arm interlocked with his. Unfortunately, your walk was cut short when you reached your flat, the light was still on. Robert must’ve stayed over, waiting for you.

“This is me.” You smiled.

“Right.”

Once you unlocked your door, you turned towards him, “Goodnight, Mr. Shelby.” and with that you turned to go inside.

“Y/n?”

His words caused you to turn your attention back on him.

“You’re worth it. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”

You felt your cheeks getting warm at his words, there was something about his tone that made your stomach do flips.

“Thank you,” your eyes softened, “that means a lot.”

“Goodnight, y/n.”

Of course he was just your boss but after tonight, he felt like something more.

2nd a/n: i feel like this lowkey sucks but i just wanted to post something :(

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[ghostbustermelanieking]

oddly specific memories i have of listening to tma

in honor of the finale, and because i am a sentimental asshole, i bring you this potentially uninteresting and completely pointless list. i'm gonna miss this show a lot

half my original reasoning for listening to the podcast was to motivate me to walk on the treadmill. this did not work. but i did it the first time, when i was going through the trailers and anglerfish, and i remember the room where my dad keeps the treadmill is really dark and the spooky chanting sort of freaked me out

after the treadmill, i ended up listening to the bulk of the first four episodes on the couch, and halfway through i let my oldest cat, winnie, who always lived outside (i know, i was very against actually keeping her outside) in the house. and she jumped up on the couch with me, which she literally never did. (she was very grumpy and not super affectionate.) i had that cat since i was five, and she passed last june, and i really miss her. quarantine kind of gave us the opportunity to hang out with her a lot, because we were home so much. so i'm glad these memories are kind of intersected in my mind. (below: a pic i have from that day.)

my friend sarah relistened along with me the first time around, which was extraordinarily sweet of her, and also led to some interesting interactions. for example: she forgot when it was revealed that sasha was dead, so she accidentally spoiled that for me when i asked when the others would find sasha (and i spent all of season 2 just like. anxiously vibrating over this fact). she also made this post, when i was still in like early first half of season 1, and my immediate thought was "oh no martin is dead." i hadnt even MET martin at this point

back in early quarantine, my mom had this rule that we had to do something new every day (to keep away the depression... ha ha). anyways, all i wanted to do in my free time was sit around and listen to tma (and also watch this show i was into on netflix), so i came up with some lame excuses, one of which was "i'll give myself a pedicure." this led to the memory i ultimately associate with mag 56 (trevor herbert 2) being me sitting out on our roof balcony thing, giving myself a horrendous pedicure

another time, my family wanted to go play tennis, and they brought me along and brought a hammock for me to lay in. there was this excess material from the hammock, and the sun was in my eyes, so i ended up pulling it up and over me to block the sun and creating this ridiculous hammock cocoon thing. one of the episodes i listened to that day? "tucked in."

before i ever started the show, my friend sarah stayed with me while i was pet sitting. i remember when she got there, she'd just listened to 150 and was telling me how freaky it was (she was still trying to get me into the show), and she was like "of course we're staying on a CUL DE SAC." (that was also the weekend she watched us for the first time and was very upset because i slept through the whole thing, which is scary when you're staying somewhere by yourselves.) anyways, i spent the whole show waiting for the scary cul de sac episode

while i was listening to the show for the first time, my step-dad (an artist) started painting an EYE on the door downstairs near my bathroom. a fucking EYE. he didn't finish it til i had finished the show. but still weird!!

i binged like 12 episodes in one day to finish season 4, which is not impressive at all, but it's still my personal record. i just remember staying up late in my dark bedroom (til like.... 11 i'm lame and i go to bed early), listening to like 158 & 159 & 160 and just being knocked on my ass by how good it all was... i was SUPER spoiled by this point, through my own fault, and i knew exactly what was coming, but actually experiencing it was nuts

the second week i listened live was 167, where the public release was delayed by a couple hours by accident. i spent like 20 minutes refreshing spotify, thinking it was broken, before going on tumblr and seeing what the deal was. (and 167 remains one of my favorites of s5 because i remember just going "thank god it was worth the wait.")

this one car ride where sarah and i made some of our friends listen to the first three episodes of the show. it was the middle of the night and we were just like blasting down i40 listening to anglerfish and do not open etc

the night the what the ghost episode publicly dropped was the night after my graduation, and i was sleeping out on the couch in the living room so my grandfather could sleep in a bed. it was super dark, and i am a jumpy person, and i Remember being mildly disgusted with myself because the corny sound effects were actually freaking me out. (i think i mightve actually seen something weird that night, maybe, but that's another story.)

the weekend my parents moved me into college, we couldn't get the cable in the house we were staying in, and we were all sitting around doing nothing, so i jokingly suggested starting tma with them, and they were like ok grace. my step-dad promptly fell asleep and my mom zoned out -- which is probably good, she doesn't like horror and she's super claustrophobic, so it's probably better we never got to do not open

my brief roommate in college talked about how she was into those youtube channels where people just read scary stories, so of course i was like try tma out. so she listened to the first episode on her own, and we were out one night, and she started mag 02 while i went into an ice cream place. she was into it (she kept being like open it, ya pussy) and wanted to keep listening while we went home, and even back in our room. i had only been in town for a couple weeks, and barely knew my way around, but i also didn't want to turn the gps on and be interrupted every five seconds. so i tried to find our way back on my own. it took the entirety of mag 03, and into mag 04, before i did it. so now i will forever associate across the street with all those wrong turns i took in a dark, semi unfamiliar city, trying to get back to our college without a gps

the day of the early drop for 179 was the day i moved back home from college -- a five hour drive by myself. i ended up listening to it on the final stretch of the trip, when i was super tired and it was dark and i knew it'd probably be a crazy episode. just me full blasting down i40, drinking an energy drink (which i never do) through a hole punched in the top, listening to daisy's death

186 early dropped the day after initial u.s. election day (when we still didn't know anything). my mom had set up a "watch party" in the living room with these giant air mattresses, and we all sort of spent the day crowded around the TV watching the numbers. not much of a memory, but i remember sitting on that air mattress and listening to martin's monologue in the midst of that messy week

i had a virtual therapy appointment on the day of 187's early drop, and my dad was home, so i drove to an empty parking lot to do the session in some privacy. i was trying to listen to the episode before the session started, so i ended up listening to the last half sitting in my car, in the pouring rain, just staring at my radio in shock (187 remains one of my favorite s5 episodes)

my friend sarah had just come home for winter break the day 189 dropped, and we decided to listen together, just like driving around in circles drinking coffee and listening and speculating on whether or not that was really martin

i started my relisten right after thanksgiving and was just kind of blowing through fast as i could through the whole of december. i had to go back to college to empty out my dorm, and i went to the beach after, and i ended up listening to mag 11 while just like walking around in circles in the tide pools. the closer it got to christmas, the more christmassy i wanted to keep things, so i would like. listen in the mornings and turn on one of those Netflix fireplaces and get all cozy

my other friend went with me on a mini bagel road trip in december, and he was still trying to get caught up, so we listened to mag 169, 170, and 171 on the drive home. (by this point, i was accustomed enough to s5 and smiting scenes to automatically reach for the volume controls when jude perry and jared hopworth died.)

when i relistened to mag 47, i was sitting with my cat beezus. i paused the episode to write this big long meta, so i was in a different headspace when i pressed play again. jon immediately yelled for sasha and i immediately jumped, and beezus gave me a searing glare and just got up and left

i relistened to piecemeal while i was cooking, which i thought was kind of funny and also disgusting

after christmas, i got into the habit of bringing my cat georgia into my room in the mornings, and she'd crawl under the covers with me while i listened to tma

one story i've always liked to tell from my first listen is how when i first listened to the meat arm grinder episode, my dad asked me to help him cook hamburgers later that day and explained how hamburgers are ground up (to my disgust). i hit meat grinder in my relisten and um. you'll never fucking guess what i made for lunch that day

so i had all these arbitrary rules for myself when i started tma last april, and i've broken like all of them. i started listening to tma while virtually working -- you just pull it up on your computer and it works. (i got the life scared out of me when one of my coworkers started talking over the podcast, wondering who it was that had walked into jon's office and why he wasn't reacting and why i didn't remember it.) i also started listening a lot while driving, which led to several long meta posts i wrote being typed up in a parking lot somewhere

i spent the entirety of 194 anxious-cuddling georgia. (i tried to do this for 198 and then didn't have any anxiety to cuddle her over.) i fully plan on doing this for 200, where i am sure i will need it again

my favorite place to listen to tma probably ended up being the roof room at my mom's, and unless something goes awry, this is where i will listen to the finale. (with georgia, of course.)

this list is super uninteresting, like i said, but here it is. i'm gonna miss this show a lot. i can't wait to return to it, later in life, and make all new listening memories in the process